Herself Jokes / Recent Jokes

231. Three blondes are attempting to change a light bulb. One of them decides to call 911:Blonde: We need help. We're three blondes changing a light bulb.Operator: Hmmmmm. You put in a fresh bulb? Blonde: Yes.Operator: The power in the house in on? Blonde: Of course.Operator: And the switch is on? Blonde: Yes, yes.Operator: And the bulb still won't light up? Blonde: No, it's working fine.Operator: Then what's the problem? Blonde: We got dizzy spinning the ladder around and we all fell and hurt ourselves.232. What about the blonde who gave birth to twins? Her husband is out looking for the other man.233. There were three people stranded on an island, a brunette, a redhead, and a blonde. The brunette looked over the water to the mainland and estimated about 20 miles to shore. So she announced, "I'm going to try to swim to shore." So she swam out five miles, and got really tired. She swam out ten miles from the island, and she was too tired to go on, so she drowned. The second more...

A lady went skiing and halfway down the hill had to go to the bathroom. No facilities nearby, she decided to find a sheltered area, dropped her pants and proceeded to relieve herself.

Suddenly she found herself beginning to slide backwards. Out into the open and down the slope with her pants around her knees. She crashed and broke her leg.

The paramedics rushed her to the local hospital. Her doctor walked into her room laughing his head off. He said,"You're not going to believe this, but the guy in the next room claims he fell off the ski lift and broke his leg because he saw a naked lady skiing backwards down the mountain!

So, how did you break YOUR leg??"

Two women go out one Friday night without their husbands.
As they head back home, right before dawn, both of them drunk, they felt the urge to pee.
They noticed the only place to stop was a cemetery. Scared and drunk, they stopped and decided to go there anyway.
The first one did not have anything to clean herself with, so she took off her panties and used them to clean herself and discarded them.
The second, not finding anything either, thought, "I'm not getting rid of my panties..." so she used the ribbon of a flower wreath to clean herself.
The morning after, the two husbands were talking to each other on the phone, and one says to the other:
"We have to be on the look-out, it seems that these two were up to no good last night, my wife came home without her panties."
The other one responded: "You're lucky, mine came home with a card stuck to her butt that read: "We will never forget you".

An Antartian named Babbette finds herself in dire trouble. Her business has gone bust and she's in serious financial trouble. She's so desperate that she decides to ask God for help. She begins to pray... "God, please help me. I've lost my business and if I don't get some money, I'm going to lose my house as well. Please let me win the lotto."
Lotto night comes and somebody else wins it. Babbette again prays..."God, please let me win the lotto! I've lost my business, my house and I'm going to lose my car as well."
Lotto night comes and Babbette still has no luck.
Once again, she prays..."My God, why have you forsaken me?? I've lost my business, my house and my car. My children are starving. I don't often ask you for help and I have always been a good servant to you. PLEASE just let me win the lotto this one time so I can get my life back in order."
Suddenly there is a blinding flash of light as the heavens open a

I told my blonde girlfriend that I was going skeet shooting. She told me she didn't know how to cook them.

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A husband and wife (a blonde) went to the fairgrounds. The wife wanted to go on the ferris wheel, but the husband wasn't comfortable with that. So the wife went on the ride by herself. The wheel went round and round and suddenly the wife was thrown out and landed in a heap at her husband's feet. "Are you hurt?" he asked.

"Of course I'm hurt!"

she replied. "Three times around and you didn't wave once!"

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A dumb Blonde died and went to Heaven. When she got to the Pearly Gates, she met Saint Peter who said, "Before you get to come into Heaven, you have to pass a test."

"Oh, No!" she said but Saint Peter said not to worry he'd make it easy.

"Who was God's son?" said Saint Peter.

The dumb Blonde more...

A blonde's son was playing catch with his friend. The blonde was working in the yard, planting flowers and such. Her son was throwing the baseball back and forth with his friend when he suddenly smiled.
He threw the baseball straight at his blonde mom, and yelled, "Think Fast!!!" so the blonde said silently to herself, "Fast, fast, fast, fast..."
The blonde got herself hit right plop in the head.

Sandy began a job as an elementary school counselor and she was eager to help. One day during recess she noticed a girl standing by herself on one side of a playing field while the rest of the kids enjoyed a game of soccer at the other.

Sandy approached and asked if she was all right. The girl said she was.

A little while later, however, Sandy noticed the girl was in the same spot, still by herself. Approaching again, Sandy offered, "Would you like me to be your friend?"

The girl hesitated, then said, "Okay," looking at the woman suspiciously.

Feeling she was making progress, Sandy then asked, "Why are you standing here all alone?"

"Because," the little girl said with great exasperation, "I'm the goalie!"