Heat Jokes / Recent Jokes
Firemen are always in heat.
Firemen do it wearing rubber.
Firemen do it with a big hose.
Firemen do it with a lot of heat.
Firemen find them hot, and leave them wet.
* You've never met any celebrities.
* Your idea of a traffic jam is ten cars waiting to pass a tractor on the highway.
* "Vacation" means driving through the Amanas or going to Adventureland.
* You've seen all the biggest bands ten years after they were popular.
* You measure distance in minutes.
* Down south to you means Kentucky.
* You know several people who have hit a deer.
* You have no problem spelling or pronouncing "Terre Haute."
* Your school classes were canceled because of cold.
* Your school classes were canceled because of heat.
* You know where all the Yoders live.
* You've ridden the school bus for an hour each way.
* You've ever had to switch from "heat" to "A/C" in the same day.
* You think ethanol makes your truck "run a lot better."
* You know what's knee-high by more...
Following a moment of inattention by the Captain, a ship sank in the middle of the ocean. Two guys managed to inflate a rubber life raft and grab a box of provisions before the ship slipped gently below the surface. After floating under blazing heat for six days they ran out of food and water.
On the tenth day, bleary eyed and half dead from heat, thirst and starvation, they spotted a small object floating toward them in the water. As it drew near, they were ecstatic to find that it was an oil lamp (Oil Lamp, Brass, One. Genies for the use of). They grabbed the lamp and rubbed it. Out popped a tired old genie.
"OK, so you freed me from this stupid lamp, yadda, yadda, yadda. But hey, I've been doing this three wishes stuff for a long time now and quite frankly, I'm burned out. You guys get only ONE wish and then I'm OUTTA here. Make it a good one".
The first guy, without hesitation or thought blurted out, "Give us all the beer we can more...
The Black Onyx Box
A well dressed gentleman passes a curio shop and sees a beautiful black onyx box in the window. He likes it, so goes in to learn what it costs.
He asks the proprietor how much it is, and the proprietor says "$5,000".
"Wow," the gentleman says, "can I see what is in it that makes it so expensive?"
"Sure," says the proprietor and he opens the black onyx box. Inside is a beautiful realistic looking pussy.
The gentleman pulls his checkbook out when he says, "Hmmm, for $5,000 a pussy should be wet."
The proprietor picks up the black onyx box and flips a lid down on the side, exposing three buttons. He pushes one and instantly the pussy is wet.
The gentlemans mouth waters and takes his pen out but stops and says, "No, for $5,000 a pussy should be warm."
The proprietor pushes the second button, and instantly the pussy is radiating heat. The gentleman can feel the heat and starts to more...
Heat causes things to expand.
Thus, in summer the days are longer.
(name withheld) Minnetonka, MN 55345Superior Health Insurance ATTN: Claims Review 1423 W. 90th St. New York, NY 05016Dear Sir: This letter is in response to your recent letter requesting a more detailed explanation concerning my recent internment at Methodist Hospital. Specifically, you asked for an expansion in reference to Block 21(a)(3) of the claim form (reason for hospital visit). On the original form, I put "Stupidity". I realize now that this answer was somewhat vague and so I will attempt to more fully explain the circumstances leading up to my hospitalization. I had needed to use the restroom and had just finished a quick bite to eat at the local burger joint. I entered the bathroom, took care of my business, and just prior to the moment in which I had planned to raise my trousers, the locked case that prevents theft of the toilet paper in such places came undone and, feeling it striking my knee, unthinkingly, I immediately, and with unnecessary force, returned the more...
You must first remove the plastic cover. By doing so you agree to accept and honor Microsoft rights to all TV dinners. You may not give anyone else a bite of your dinner (which would constitute an infringement of Microsoft`s rights). You may, however, let others smell and look at your dinner and are encouraged to tell them how good it is.
If you have a PC microwave oven, insert the dinner into the oven. Set the oven using these keystrokes:
mstv. dinn.//08. 5min@@50%heat//
Then enter:
ms//start. cook_dindin/yummy|/yum~yum:-)gohot#cookme.
If you have a Mac oven, insert the dinner and press start. The oven will set itself and cook the dinner.
If you have a Unix oven, insert the dinner, enter the ingredients of the dinner (found on the package label), the weight of the dinner, and the desired level of cooking and press start. The oven will calculate the time and heat and cook the dinner exactly to your more...