Happy Jokes / Recent Jokes
A depressed young woman was so desperate that she decided to end her life by throwing herself into the ocean.
When she went down to the docks, a handsome young sailor noticed her tears and took pity on her.
"Look, you've got a lot to live for." he said. "I'm off to America in the morning, and if you like, I can stow you away on my ship. I'll take good care of you and bring you food every day."
Moving closer, he slipped an arm around hers houlder, winked at Her and added I'll keep you happy, and you'll keep me happy."
The girl nodded. After all, what did she have to lose?
That night, the sailor brought her aboard and hid her in a lifeboat. From then on, every night he brought her three sandwiches and a piece of fruit, and they shagged furiously.
Seven weeks and three days later, during a routine search, she was discovered by the Captain. "What are you doing here?" the Captain asked.
"I have an arrangement with one of more...
It was this little girl's first day of school, and the teacher asked her what her name was.
She replied, "Happy Butt."
The teacher said, "Honey I don't think that's your name. You need to go to the principal's office and get this straightened out."
So she went to the principal's office and he asked, "What's your name?"
And the little girl said, "Happy Butt."
The principal called the girl's mother to get this straightened out once and for all.
After getting off the phone, he looked at the little girl and said, "Honey, your name is Gladys, not Happy Butt."
The girl then exclaimed, "Glad Ass, Happy Butt, what's the difference?"
What’s the difference between getting a divorce and getting circumcised?
When you get a divorce, you get rid of the whole prick!
There was a lady who said, “I never knew what happiness was until I got married… and then it was too late! ”
They say that when a man holds a woman’s hand before marriage, it is love; after marriage it is self defense.
When a newly married man looks happy, we know why. But when a ten year married man looks happy, we wonder why.
There was this lover who told his love that he would go through hell for him. They got married - and now she is going through HELL!
Marriage is not a word; it is a sentence.
How is a man like the weather?
Nothing can be done to change either one of them.
What is the difference between a single 40-year-old woman and a single 40-year-old man?
The 40-year-old woman thinks often of having children and the man thinks often about dating more...
"What Were You Before You Came To School, Boys And Girls?" Asked The Teacher, Hoping That Someone Would Say, "Babies." She Was Disappointed When All The Children Cried Out, "Happy!"
Al Gore and the Clintons are flying on Air Force One.
Bill looks at Al chuckles and says You know I could throw a $10000 bill out the window right now and make one person very happy.
Al shrugs his stiff shoulders and says Well I could throw ten $1000 bills out the window and make 10 people very happy.
Hillary tosses her perfectly sprayed hair and says Of course then I could throw one-hundred $100 bills out the window and make a hundred people very happy.
Chelsea rolls her eyes looks at all of them and says I could throw all of you out the window and make the whole country happy.
This lovely little girl was entering class for the first time. A friendly little boy said his name was "David, what is yours?" "Happy Butt" she says. "Don't lie to me, that isn't your name! What is your name?" "Happy Butt" she says again. I'm going to tell the teacher on you for lying!" he shouts. He gets the teacher and says she is lying to him about her name. "What is your name?" asks the teacher. "Happy Butt" says the little girl. "No, no," says the teacher. "What is your real name?" "Happy Butt" replies the little girl. "Shame on you for lying." says the teacher. "You go straight to the principal's office right this minute!" "Why are you here?" asks the principal of the little girl. "They think I'm lying when I tell them my name is Happy Butt." said the little girl. "Your name can't be Happy Butt" says the principal. "I'm going to more...