Happy Jokes / Recent Jokes

Dogs will tilt their heads and try to understand every
word you say. Cats will ignore you and take a nap.
Cats look silly on a leash.
When you come home from work, your dog will be happy and
lick your face. Cats will still be mad at you for leaving in
the first place.
Dogs will give you unconditional love until the day they
die. Cats will make you pay for every mistake you've ever
made since the day you were born.
A dog knows when you're sad. And he'll try to comfort
you. Cats don't care how you feel, as long as you remember
where the can opener is.
Dogs will bring you your slippers. Cats will drop a dead
mouse in your slippers.
When you take them for a ride, dogs will sit on the seat
next to you. Cats have to have their own private basket, or
they won't go at all.
Dogs will come when you call them. And they'll be happy.
Cats will have someone take a message and get back to you.
Dogs will play fetch with you more...

It was the first day of the school year and the first grade teacher was asking her students their names. "What's your name?" she asked a little girl in the front row.
"Happy Butt," the little girl cheerfully replied.
"Honey, I don't think that's your name. I'd like you to go to the principal's office to get this straightened out," said the teacher.
So, the little girl went to the principal's office and he asked, "What's your name?"
"Happy Butt," she answered.
The principal phoned the little girl's mother to get this cleared up once and for all.
As soon as he hung up the phone, he looked at the litte girl and said, "Your name is Gladys, dear, not Happy Butt."
"Glad Ass, Happy Butt, what's the difference?" exclaimed the little girl.

Why I Fired My Secretary I woke up early, feeling depressed because it was my birthday, and I thought,"I'm another year older," but decided to make the best of it. So I showered andshaved, knowing when I went down to breakfast my wife would greet me with a bigkiss and say, "Happy birthday, dear." All smiles, I went in to breakfast, andthere sat my wife, reading her newspaper, as usual. She didn't say one word. SoI got myself a cup of coffee, made some toast and thought to myself, "Oh well, she forgot. The kids will be down in a few minutes, smiling and happy, and theywill sing' Happy Birthday' and have a nice gift for me." There I sat, enjoyingmy coffee, and I waited. Finally, the kids came running into the kitchen, yelling, "Give me a slice of toast! I'm late! Where is my coat? I'm going tomiss the bus!" Feeling more depressed than ever, I left for the office. When I walked into the office, my secretary greeted me with a great big smileand a more...

What a beautiful waste of money. Happy birthday America.

Time to return all the fireworks that didn't fit.

Q: Why is Bill Clinton happy he named his dog "Buddy?"A: Because it's a BAD TIME to be yelling "come Spot!" in the Whitehouse.

Bob walks into a bar and says, "Bartender, one round for everyone, on me!"
The bartender says, "Well, seems you're in a really good mood tonight, hmm?"
Bob says, "Oh, you can bet on it! I just got hired by the city to go around and remove all the money from parking meters. I start on Monday!"
The bartender congratulates him and proceeds to pour the round.
Monday evening arrives. Bob comes back into the bar and says, "Bartender, TWO rounds for everyone, on me!"
The bartender says, "Well now! If you're so happy just over having this new job, I can just imagine how happy you'll be when you get your paycheck!!"
Bob looks at the bartender with a wondrous look on his face, pulls out a handful of quarters from his pocket, and says, "You mean they'll PAY me too?!"

*** Young son: Is it true Dad, I heard that in some parts of Africa, a
man doesn't know his wife until he marries her? Dad: That happens in
most countries son.
*** Then there was a man who said "I never knew what real happiness was
until I got married; and then it was too late.
*** A happy marriage is a matter of give and take; the husband gives and
the wife takes.
*** When a newly married man looks happy we know why. But when a
ten-year married man looks happy we wonder why
*** After a quarrel a wife said to her husband, "You know I was a fool
when I married you" And the husband replied "Yes dear, but I was in
love with you"
*** It doesn't matter how often a married man changes his job, he still
ends up with the same boss
*** A man inserted an `ad' in the classifieds "Wife wanted". Next day he
receives a hundred letters. They all said the same thing " you can more...