Hanukkah Jokes / Recent Jokes

My mother once gave me two sweaters for Hanukkah. The next time we visited, I made sure to wear one. As we entered her home, instead of the expected smile, she said, "What's the matter? You didn't like the other one?"

There's no "Donny & Marie Hanukkah Special"
Eight days of presents (in theory, anyway).
No need to clean the chimney.
There's no latke-nog.
Burl Ives doesn't sing Hanukkah songs.
You won't be pressured to buy Hanukkah Seals.
You won't see, "You're a Putz, Charlie Brown".
No barking dog version of "I had a Little Driedl".
No pine needles to vacuum up afterwards.
Blintzes are cheaper to mail than fruitcakes.

Admiring the Christmas trees displayed in his neighbor's windows, a child asks his father, "Daddy, can we have a Hanukkah Tree?"
"What? No, of course not." says his father.
"Why not?" asks the child again.
Bewildered, his father replies, "Because the last time we had dealings with a lighted bush we spent 40 years in the wilderness."

Continuing the current trend of large-scale mergers and acquisitions, it was announced today at a press conference that Christmas and Hanukkah will merge. An industry source said that the deal had been in the works for about 1300 years.
While details were not available at press time, it is believed that the overhead cost of having twelve days of Christmas and eight days of Hanukkah was becoming prohibitive for both sides. By combining forces, we're told, the world will be able to enjoy consistently high-quality service during the Fifteen Days of Chrismukah, as the new holiday is being called.
Massive layoffs are expected, with lords a-leaping and maids a-milking being the hardest hit. As part of the conditions of the agreement, the letters on the dreydl, currently in Hebrew, will be replaced by Latin, thus becoming unintelligible to a wider audience.
Also, instead of translating to "A great miracle happened there," the message on the dreydl will be the more more...

Continuing the current trend of large-scale mergers and acquisitions, it was announced today at a press conference that Christmas and Hanukkah will merge. An industry source said that the deal had been in the works for about 1300 years.
While details were not available at press time, it is believed that the overhead cost of having twelve days of Christmas and eight days of Hanukkah was becoming prohibitive for both sides. By combining forces, we're told, the world will be able to enjoy consistently high-quality service during the Fifteen Days of Chrismukah, as the new holiday is being called.
Massive layoffs are expected, with lords a-leaping and maids a-milking being the hardest hit. As part of the conditions of the agreement, the letters on the dreydl, currently in Hebrew, will be replaced by Latin, thus becoming unintelligible to a wider audience.
Also, instead of translating to "A great miracle happened there," the message on the dreydl will be the more more...

10. There's no "Kathy Lee Gifford Special".

9. Eight days of presents

8. No need to clean the chimney.

7. There's no latke-nog.

6. Burl Ives doesn't sing Hanukkah songs.

5. You won't be pressured to buy Hanukkah Seals.

4. You won't see, "You're a Putz, Charlie Brown."

3. No barking dog version of "I had a Little Driedl."

2. No pine needles to vacuum up afterwards.

1. Latkes are easier to mail than fruitcakes.

It was Hanukkah and the tiny village was in fear of not having any
latkes because they had run out of flour.
Rudi, the rabbi, was called upon to help solve the problem.
He said, “Don’t worry, you can substitute matzo meal for the flour,
and the latkes will be just as delicious! ”
Sheila looks to her husband and says, “Morty, you think it’ll work? ”
“Of course! Everybody knows Rudolph the Rab knows grain, dear! ”