Grinning Jokes

American, an Australian and an irishman standing outside the Recruitment office waiting for their medicals.
the yank goes in, half hour later comes out grinning from ear to ear.."they dont want me..... medically unfit... classification FF, i cant march, FLAT FEET!!!
the australian goes in next, 1 hour later comes out grinning as well.."they dont want me.. medically unfit..... classification FA, i cant march, FALLEN ARCHES!!!
So now its Paddy's turn. One hour goes by, then 2 hrs, then 3. "oh shit, looks like Paddy has had it!!!" says the Aussie. Just then Paddy comes out, grinning the biggest grin you have ever seen.
Were you rejected you too, they shout! ! Hooray.
paddy replies, " yes, didnt want me.. medically unfit.... classification FC.
"FC"??? asks the yank, whats that? ?
Paddy replies proudly, yep. ... medically unfit. classification FC...... i cant march!!....... FUCKING CANCER!!!!

Three convicts being transported to prison were told they could each bring one thing with them to occupy themselves while behind bars.
On the bus, one turned to the other and asked, "What did you bring with you?"
The second convict pulled out a box of paint and said he intended to paint anything he could. He wanted to become the Grandma Moses of Jail. Then he asked the first guy what he brought.
Grinning, the first guy replied, "I brought a deck of cards. I can play solitaire, gin, poker, all kinds of games."
The third convict sat quietly, grinning to himself. Seeing this, the two looked at him and asked, "Why do you look so smug? What did you bring?"
"I brought these," he said, as he pulled out a box of tampons.
Laughing, the other two asked, "What can you do with those."
He pointed to the box and said with a big grin, "According to the box, I can go horseback riding, rollerskating, swimming... "