Grabs Jokes / Recent Jokes
There was a red head, a blond, and a brunette running from the cops, and they come across an old abandon house. They run inside, and the brunette sees 3 burlap sacks. She picks it up and puts it on over her head, huddles in the corner, and says meow, meow, meow. So the cops come in the house and go up to the bag, and kicked it, and say "it must be a bag of kittens", and they move on. The red head grabs another one of the sacks pulls it over her head, huddles in the corner, and says woof, woof, woof. The cops walk by, and shine the flashlight on them, kicked the bag, and say "it must be a bag of puppies." They move on. The blond grabs the last sack, puts it over her head, and huddles in the corner. She starts saying potatoes, potatoes, potatoes.
A guy walks into a bar with his pet monkey. He orders a drink and while he's drinking it the monkey jumps around all over the place. The monkey grabs some olives off the bar and eats them, then grabs some sliced limes and eats them, then jumps up on the pool table, grabs the cue ball, sticks it in his mouth and swallows it whole.
The bartender screams at the guy, "Did you see what your monkey just did?"
The guy says, "No, what?"
"He just ate the cue ball off my pool table, whole!", says the bartender.
"Yeah, that doesn't surprise me," replied the patron. "He eats everything in sight, the little bastard. I'll pay for the cue ball and stuff." He finishes his drink, pays his bill, and leaves.
Two weeks later he's in the bar again, and he has his monkey with him. He orders a drink and the monkey starts running around the bar again. While the man is drinking his drink, the monkey finds more...
God, Jesus and John the Baptist are playing golf up in heaven. On the first tee, JB leads off and hits a big blast right down the gut; it rolls to a stop about 270 yards out, perfect lie. Jesus steps up next and kills the ball, sending it about 300 yards straight away, perfect lie.
God steps up and waggles and wiggles and then badly hooks his ball into the trees. As it flies in, a huge oak is struck by lightning and splits, one half falling into the path of the oncoming ball and knocking it into the fairway. As it comes to a rest, a bare 50 yards out, a squirrel darts out of the woods on the other side and grabs the ball and takes off towards the left-side woods. Before he gets in, an eagle swoops down and grabs the squirrel, carrying it aloft down the fairway. Just as it passes over the green, the eagle is pelted by hailstones, whereupon it drops the squirrel (still clutching the ball) onto the green about three feet from the hole. Dazed, the squirrel spits the ball out where it more...
A man enters a bar with his pet monkey and orders a drink. While he's drinking, the monkey is jumping all around the place.
The monkey grabs some olives from the bar and eats them. Then he grabs some sliced limes and eats them. He then jumps onto the pool table, grabs one of the billiard balls, sticks it in his mouth and, to everyone's amazement, swallows it whole.
"Did you see what your monkey just did?" the bartender screams at the guy.
"No, what did he do?" the guy asks.
"He just ate the cue ball off my pool table-whole!" exclaims the bartender.
"That doesn't surprise me," the guys says. "He eats everything in sight, the little bugger. I'm sorry. I'll pay for the cue ball and the other stuff." He finishes his drink, pays for it, pays for the stuff the monkey ate, and leaves.
A couple of weeks later, he goes to the bar again and has his monkey with him. He orders a drink and the monkey begins to run around the more...
So one night, the farmer gets drunk. He grabs his wife's tits and says, "If these could give milk, we could get rid of the cows."
He grabs her butt and says, "If this could give eggs, we could get rid of the chickens."
The wife grabs the farmer's dick and says, "And if this stayed hard, we could get rid of your brother."
So one night, the farmer gets drunk. He grabs his wife's tits and says, "If these could give milk, we could get rid of the cows."He grabs her butt and says, "If this could give eggs, we could get rid of the chickens."The wife grabs the farmer's dick and says, "And if this stayed hard, we could get rid of your brother."
A man goes to a restaurant, orders some takeout, and sits down to wait for his food. While he waits, he grabs a handful of peanuts from the bowl on the counter, and as he starts to chew, he hears a voice say, "That's a beautiful tie, is that silk? Very NICE choice!"
Wondering who made the comment, he looks around and doesn't see anyone nearby who could be speaking to him. With a shrug, he pops a few more peanuts into his mouth.
Next he hears the voice say, "Those shoes are stylin', my man. Are they Italian leather? They look GRRREAT!"
He whirls around to again but sees no one near him. He glances nervously around and then at his shoes, which he tucks self-consciously under the stool.
A little freaked out, he grabs another handful of peanuts. This time the voice continues with, "That suit looks FANTASTIC! Is it an Armani? Very nice!"
He immediately calls the waiter over and says, "Look. I keep hearing these voices telling me more...