Genie Jokes / Recent Jokes

A young man fell in a pit one day, and found a magic lamp with a genie inside of it. The genie said,' I will grant you three wishes.' The man's first wish was to get out of the pit. **POOF** He was instantly transported out. He then wished for all the gold in the world. **POOF** The genie gave him all the gold nuggets in the world, all the gold bars, all the gold pebbles, etc. The man could not think of anything for his third wish, so he went out for a ride in his Ferrari. He turned on the radio, and after a few minutes, his favorite song came on. He decided to sing along:' Oh, I wish I were an Oscar Meyer Weiner...'

A government employee found an old brass lamp in a filing cabinet. When he dusted it off, a genie appeared and granted him three wishes. "I'd love an ice-cold beer right now," he told the genie. Poof! A beer appeared.

Next the man said, "I wish to be on an island, surrounded by beautiful and willing women." Poof! He was on an island with gorgeous women fawning all over him.

Oh, man this is the life, the guy thought. "I wish I never had to work again."

And poof!... He was back at his desk in the government office!

A Russian is strolling down the street in Moscow and kicks a
bottle laying in the street. Suddenly out of the bottle comes a
genie.
The Russian is stunned and the Genie says, "Hello Master, I will
grant you one wish, anything that you want."
The Russian begins thinking, "Well I really like drinking vodka." Finally the Russian says, "I wish to drink vodka whenever I want, so make me piss vodka."
The Genie grants him his wish. When the Russian gets home he
gets a glass out of the cupboard and pisses into it. He looks at the glass and it's clear. Looks like vodka. Then he smells the liquid. Smells like vodka. So he takes a tast and it is the best vodka that he has ever tasted.
The Russian yells to his wife, "Natasha, Natasha, come quickly."
She comes running down the hall and the Russian takes another
glass out of the cupboard and pisses into it. He tells her to
drink, that it is vodka. Natasha more...

There is this guy that walks into a bar, and sees a genie, who grants him a wish.
The guy asked for "
million bucks"
and all of a sudden, he was surrounded by a million ducks. He asked the genie what happened, and a guy playing the piano in the corner says,"
why do you think that I have a 10 inch pianist?"

A man is walking down a beach, and accidentally kicks a bottle out of the sand. He opens the bottle, and a genie appears. The genie said, "I am so grateful to get out of that bottle that I will grant you one wish. I can only grant one." The man thought for a while and finally said, "I have always wanted to go to Hawaii. I've never been able to go because airplanes are much too frightening for me and boats make me seasick. So I wish for a road to be built from here to Hawaii." The genie thought for a few minutes and said, "No, I can't do it. Imagine all the work involved. All the piling to hold up the highway needed and all the pavement. Ask for something else." "Well," the man said. "I would like to be able to understand women. What makes them laugh and cry, why are they temperamental, why are they so difficult to get along with. Basically, what makes them tick." The genie considered this for a couple of minutes and said, "So, do more...

>An Arab has spent many days crossing the desert without finding a source
> of water. It gets so bad that his camel dies of thirst. He's crawling
> through the sands, certain that he has breathed his last, when all of a
> sudden he sees a shiny object sticking out of the sand several yards
> ahead of him. He crawls to the object, pulls it out of the sand, and
> discovers that he has a Manischevitz wine bottle. It appears that there
> may be a drop or two left in the bottle, so he unscrews the top and out
> pops
> a genie. But
> this is no ordinary genie. This genie appears to be a Hassidic rabbi,
> complete with black alpaca coat, black hat, side curls, etc.
> "Well, kid," says the genie. "You know how it works. You have three
> wishes."
> "I'm not going to trust you," says the Arab. "I'm not going to trust a
> Jewish genie!"
> "What do you have to lose? It looks more...

A guy with a huge orange head goes in to see a doctor. The doctor says, “How did you get such a huge orange head? ” The guy says, “Well, one day I was walking down the beach when I tripped over an old lantern. A genie came out and said, ’ I’ll grant you three wishes, whatever you desire… what is your first wish? ’ I said, ’ I’d like all the money I could ever spend. ’ The genie went Poof!, and there it was, all the money I could ever spend.
Then he said, ’ what is your second wish? ’ I said, ’ I’d like a beautiful woman to love me, someone I could enjoy this money with. ’ The genie went Poof!, and there she was, a gorgeous girl who immediately loved me. “Then the genie said, ’and what is your third wish? ’… and I think this is where I went wrong… I said, I’d like a huge orange head. ”