Free Jokes / Recent Jokes
Lonely? Looking for your ideal partner? Here are some tips on what to expect.
First the women:
40-ish48
AdventurerHas had more partners than you ever will
AthleticFlat-chested
Average lookingUgly
BeautifulPathological liar
Contagious SmileBring your penicillin
EducatedCollege dropout
Emotionally SecureMedicated
FeministFat; ball buster
Free spiritSubstance user
Friendship firstTrying to live down reputation as slut
FunAnnoying
GentleComatose
Good ListenerBorderline Autistic
New-AgeAll body hair, all the time
Old-fashionedLights out, missionary position only
Open-mindedDesperate
OutgoingLoud
PassionateLoud
PoetDepressive Schizophrenic
ProfessionalReal Witch
RedheadShops the Clairol section
ReubenesqueGrossly Fat
RomanticLooks better by candle light
VoluptuousVery Fat
Weight proportional to heightHugely Fat
Wants SoulmateOne step away from stalking
WidowNagged first more...
Two rednecks pull in at a gas station to fill up their truck and notice a sign that reads, "Enter here for a chance at free sex." They wander inside and ask the attendant how to enter. The attendant tells them that they have to guess a number between one and ten.
The first redneck guesses three. The attendant says, "Sorry, but the number is seven."
The second redneck guesses six and the attendant says, "Sorry, but the number is four."
As the two of them are driving away, one turns to the other and says, "You know, I think that contest was rigged."
"Naw, it's on the up and up," the other one replies. "My wife won three times last week."
A gas station in Tupelo Mississippi was trying to increase its sales, so the owner put up a sign saying, "Win Free Sex with Fill-Up." Soon a local redneck pulled in, filled his tank, and then asked for his free sex. The owner told him to pick a number from 1 to 10. If he guessed correctly, he would get his free sex. The redneck then guessed 8, and the proprietor said, "You were close. The number was 7. Sorry, no sex this time."
A week later, the same redneck, along with a buddy, Bubba, pulled in for a fill-up. Again he asked for his free sex. The proprietor again gave him the same story, and asked him to guess the correct number. The redneck guessed 2 this time. Again the proprietor said, "Sorry, it was 3. You were close, but no free sex this time."
As they were driving away, the redneck said to his buddy, "I think that game is rigged and he doesn't really give away free sex."Bubba replied, "No it ain't, Billy Ray. It ain't rigged more...
Free 1 can of pork & beans with purchase of 3 br 2 bth home. For sale: Lee Majors (6 million dollar man) - $50 Nordic track $300 - hardly used - call chubbie at: Bill's Septic Cleaning - "We haul American made products" Shakespeare's Pizza - Free Chopsticks Hummels - Largest selection ever - "if it's in stock, we have it!" President's Choice - Cow manure - 2 33lb bags - $5 Harrisburg Postal Employees Gun Club
Three patients in a mental institution prepare for an examination given by the head psychiatrist.
If the patients pass the exam, they will be free to leave the hospital. However, if they fail, the institution will detain them for seven years.
The doctor takes the three patients to the top of a diving board overlooking an empty swimming pool, and asks the first patient to jump.
The first patient jumps head first into the pool and breaks both arms.
Then the second patient jumps and breaks both legs.
The third patient looks over the side and refuses to jump.
"Congratulations! You're a free man. Just tell me why didn't you jump?" asked the doctor.
To which the third patient answered, "Well Doc, I can't swim!"
Santa, Banta and one of their friends are patients in a mental institution and are preparing for an examination given by the head psychiatrist. If they pass the exam, they will be free to leave the hospital. However, if they fail, the institution will detain them for five years.
The doctor takes them to the top of a diving board looking over an empty swimming pool, and asks the first patient to jump.
The first patient jumps head first into the pool and breaks both arms.
Then Banta jumps and breaks both legs.
Santa looks over the side and refuses to jump.
“Congratulations! You`re a free man. Just tell me why didn`t you jump? ” asked the doctor.
To which Santa answered, “Well Doc, I can`t swim! ”