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Dinner Special - Turkey $2.35; Chicken or Beef $2.25; Children $2.00.
For sale: an antique desk suitable for lady with thick legs and large drawers.
Now is your chance to have your ears pierced and get an extra pair to take home, too.
We do not tear your clothing with machinery. We do it carefully by hand.
No matter what your topcoat is made of, this miracle spray will make it really repellent.
Tired of cleaning yourself? Let me do it.
Dog for sale: eats anything and is especially fond of children.
Vacation Special: have your home exterminated.
Mt. Kilimanjaro, the breathtaking backdrop for the Serena Lodge. Swim in the lovely pool while you drink it all in.
Get rid of aunts: Zap does the job in 24 hours.
Toaster: A gift that every member of the family appreciates. Automatically burns toast.
Sheer stockings. Designed for fancy dress, but so serviceable that lots of women wear nothing else.
Stock up and save. Limit: one.
For Sale - more...

Banta owned a pub in the Ludhiana, and in the summertime a swarm of flies seemed to just hover over the buffet table. This had been going on for about a month.
Santa, the neighborhood mooch, walked in one day.
"I`m not giving you another free beer!" Banta hollered, as he noticed Santa.
Santa was not without a plan, however. He approached Banta and offered him a deal.
"I`ve been noticing these flies for the last weeks. If you`ll give me a shot, I`ll kill every one of them for you."
Banta gave him the agreed-upon shot. Once he had downed it, Santa got up and headed for the door.
"All right," he shouted, "send them out - one at a time!"

So this guy walks into a bar carrying a moving box, and he says to the bartender "If I show you the coolest thing you've ever seen, will you give me a free beer?" And the bartender says, "Well, sure, but I've seen some pretty cool things in my life, so as long as it tops that, you get a free beer." So the guy puts his box ontop of the bar and opens it, and inside there's a little man playing a piano. Now the bartender says, "Woah, that's so amazing, where did you get that guy? Here's your beer" And the guy says "Well, I ran into this lamp here," and he pulls out the lamp, "and I rubbed it, and the genie gave me this" Now the bartender is so amazed and he says "Dude, can I try it?" And the guy lets him, and the bartender rubs the lamp and the genie pops out and gives him the three wishes schpiel and the bartender says "Okay, I wish for a million bucks" And right away, a million ducks appear in the bar, and through more...

This 85-year-old couple, having been married almost 60 years, died in a car crash. They had been in good health the last 10 years, mainly due to her interest in health food and exercise.When they reached the pearly gates, St. Peter took them to their mansion, which was decked out with a beautiful kitchen, master bath suite and Jacuzzi.As they oohed and aahed, the old man asked Peter how much all this was going to cost. "It's free," Peter replied. "This is Heaven."Next they went out back to survey the championship golf course in the backyard. They would have golfing privileges every day, and each week the course would change to a new one, representing the great golf courses on Earth.The old man asked, "What are the greens fees?"Peter's reply, "This is Heaven -- you play for free."Next they went to the clubhouse and saw the lavish buffet lunch with the cuisines of the world laid out."How much to eat?" asked the old man."Don't you more...

JERRY FALWELL:
Because the chicken was gay! Isn’t it obvious? Can’t you people see the plain truth in front of your face? The chicken was going to the “other side. ” That’s what “they” call it: the “other side. ” Yes, my friends, that chicken is gay. And, if you eat that chicken, you will become gay too. I say we boycott all chickens until we sort out this abomination that the liberal media whitewashes with seemingly harmless phrases like “the other side. ” That chicken should not be free to cross the road. It’s as plain and simple as that.
KEN STARR:
I intend to prove that the chicken crossed the road at the behest of the President of the United States of America in an effort to distract law enforcement officials and the American public from the criminal wrongdoing our highest elected official has been trying to cover up. As a result, the chicken is just another pawn in the president’s ongoing and elaborate scheme to obstruct justice and more...

ILITERATE? Write today for free help. AUTO REPAIR SERVICE. Free pick up and delivery. Try us once, you will never go anywhere again. DOG FOR SALE Eats anything and is fond of children. STOCK UP AND SAVE. Limit: one. SEMI ANNUAL AFTER XMAS SALE DINNER SPECIAL. Turkey $3. 25; Chicken or Beef $2. 25; Children $2. 00 FOR SALE: Antique desk suitable for lady with thick legs and large drawers. NOW IS YOUR CHANCE to have your ears pierced and get an extra pair to take home, too. GREAT DAMES for sale. TIRED OF CLEANING YOURSELF? Let me do it.

A guy walks into a bar and asks the bartender if he will give him a free beer if he shows him something amazing.
The bartender agrees, so the guys pulls out a hamster, who begins dancing and singing "Tuff Enuff" by the Fabulous Thunderbirds.
"That IS amazing!" says the bartender and gives the guy his free beer.
"If I show you something else amazing, will you give me another beer?" The bartender agrees, so the guy pulls out a small piano and a hamster and a frog.
Now the hamster plays the piano while the frog dances and sings "You Ain't Seen Nothing Yet" by Bachman-Turner Overdrive.
The bartender, completely wowed, gives him another beer. A man in a suit, who's been watching the entire time, offers to buy the frog for a princely sum, which the man agrees to.
"Are you nuts?" asks the bartender. "You could've made a fortune off that frog."
"Can you keep a secret?" asks the man. more...