Four Jokes / Recent Jokes

A man walking along a California beach was deep in prayer. All of a sudden he said out loud, "Lord, grant me one wish." Suddenly the sky clouded above his head and in a booming voice the Lord said, "Because you have had the faith to ask, I will grant you one wish." The man said, "Build a bridge to Hawaii, so I can drive over anytime I want to." The Lord said, "Your request is very materialistic. Think of the logistics of that kind of undertaking. The supports required to reach the bottom of the Pacific! The concrete and steel it would take! I can do it, but it is hard for me to justify your desire for worldly things. Take a little more time and think of another wish, a wish you think would honor and glorify me." The man thought about it for a long time. Finally he said, "Lord, I have been married and divorced four times. All of my wives said that I am uncaring and insensitive. I wish that I could understand women. I want to know how they more...

The Pope had been diagnosed as having a potentially fatal testicular disease and after treatment he was told that he had to have sex with a woman to confirm that the treatment had been fully successful. He called all his Cardinals together and told them what he had to be done and they agreed it was necessary.
The Pope said he would go ahead with it but insisted on four conditions.
"Firstly", he said " the girl has to be blind so she cannot see it's the Holy Father and tell the whole world"
"Secondly, she must be deaf so that she doesn't recognize the Holy Father's voice and tell the whole world"
"Thirdly, as a precaution, she has to be dumb so she cannot tell the whole world anyway".
At this point one of the Cardinals stood up and said " Leave it to me Holy Father, I know just the woman for you"
As the Cardinal was about to leave the Pope said " wait a moment, I told you there are four more...

There are four wheels and eight men on a fire engine.

Four and eight makes 12.

There are 12 inches in a ruler.

Queen Elizabeth is a ruler.

The Queen Elizabeth was a ship.

Ships sail in the sea.

The sea has fish.

Fish have fins.

The Finns are always fighting the Russians.

Russians are known as "red".

Fire engines are always rushin', and that's why they're red.

A Broadway bookie was given a parrot in lieu of cash payment. The bird's vocabulary included choice phrases in English, French, Spanish and German. Sensing a winner, the bookie hauled the bird off to his favorite bar.
"Speaks four languages," he said to the bartender, who snorted in disbelief. "Wanna bet this bird can speak four languages?" the bookie challenged.
Annoyed, the bartender finally agreed to a ten-dollar wager. The bookie turned to the parrot and said, "Parlez-vous frangais?"Theve was no response.
Nor was there any reply to the question in English, Spanish or German. The bartender picked up the bookie's sawbuck from the bar and went about his business.
On the street, the bookie glared at the bird. "You fink!" he exclaimed. "I've got ten bucks riding on you and you clam up on me. I oughta strangle you!"
"Don't be a jerk," the parrot replied. "Just think of the odds you'll get more...

Bob was showing off his bird dog to his friend Bill. They went down towards a lake and Bob said to the dog, "How many ducks are there boy?"
The dog raced off to the lake, came back a couple of minutes later, and barked twice. Seconds later, two ducks floated into view.
"That was unbelievable, can he do it again?" Bill asked.
"Sure," responded Bob, "How many ducks are there boy?"
The dog raced off again, came back, and barked four times. Four ducks flew in and landed on the pond.
"I have to have that dog," Bill said, "I'll give you $5,000 and all of my hunting dogs."
They agreed to the deal, and Bill took the dog home to show off to his wife.
Bill and his wife took his new dog down to the lake and Bill said, "How many ducks are there boy?"
The dog raced off, came back, grabbed a stick, shook it, and threw it over his shoulder.
"Bob gypped the hell out of you," his wife more...

A man walks into a bar one night. He goes up to the bar and asks for a beer.' 'Certainly, sir, that'll be 1 cent.''

''One penny?!'' exclaimed the guy. The barman replied,' 'Yes.'' So, the guy glances over at the menu, and he asks,' 'Could I have a nice juicy T-bone steak, with fries, peas, and a salad?''

''Certainly sir,'' replies the bartender,' 'but all that comes to real money.''' 'How much money?'' inquires the guy.' 'Four cents,'' he replies.

''Four cents?!'' exclaims the guy.' 'Where's the guy who owns this place?'' The barman replies,' 'Upstairs with my wife.'' The guy says,' 'What's he doing with your wife?'' The bartender replies,' 'Same as what I'm doing to his business.''

Dear Son,

I'm writing this slow cause I know you can't read fast. We don't live where we did when you left. Your dad read in the paper where most accidents happen within twenty miles of home so we moved. This place has a washing machine. The first day I put four shirts in it, I pulled the chain and havn't seen them since. It only rained twice this week. Three days the first time and four days the second time. The coat you wanted me to send you. Your Aunt Sue said it would be a little to heavy to send in the mail with them big heavy buttons, so we cut them off and put them in the pockets. We got a bill from the funeral home, said if we didn't make the last payment, up she comes. Your uncle John fell in the whiskey vat. Some men tried to pull him out but he fought them off playfully so he drowned. We cremated him, he burned for three days. Three of your friends went off the bridge in a pickup one was driving, the other two were in the back. The driver got out, he rolled down more...