Forward Jokes / Recent Jokes

A chemist, a biologist and an electrical engineer were on death row waiting to go in the electric chair. The chemist was brought forward first. "Do you have anything you want to say?" asked the executioner, strapping him in. "No," replied the chemist. The executioner flicked the switch and nothing happened. Under State law, if an execution attempt fails, the prisoner is to be released, so the chemist was released. Then the biologist was brought forward. "Do you have anything you want to say?" "No, just get on with it." The executioner flicked the switch, and again nothing happened, so the biologist was released. Then the electrical engineer was brought forward. "Do you have anything you want to say?" asked the executioner. "Yes," replied the engineer. "If you swap the red and the blue wires over, you might make this thing work."

A scientist had been keeping a secret for over two decades -- he had sucessfully cloned a human being. He kept meticulous records, raising the clone-child in his laboratory until it was an adult. Then he made his plans to unveil his creation at a meeting of top scientists, held in the luxurious facilities of a high-rise hotel. When the time for his presentation came, the scientist stepped to the podium. He presented his data -- his pictures, his charts, his graphs -- to an amazed audience. But suddenly, instead of waiting for his cue to come forward, the clone stood up where he'd been sitting, and started shouting at the scientists assembled there. This clone was an imaginative clone. He used language that would make a sailor blush, accusing his creator and all of his colleagues of the most amazing feats of perversion and vice. Trying to regain control, the scientist ushered the clone out of the room and up to the roof of the hotel, where he hoped the clone's shouts would go unheard. more...

A police officer had just pulled a car over. When he walked up to the car a man rolled down the window and said, "what's the problem officer?" To which the policeman responded, "I stopped you for running that red light behind you." Just then the man's wife leaned forward from the driver's seat and said with a very loud voice, "I told him to stop at that light. But did he listen? No. He just kept right on going."

The man then turned to his wife and yelled "Shut up stupid!" The policeman continued, "And just before the light I clocked you doing 50 m. p. h. and the speed limit is only 30." His wife then leaned forward again and squawked "I told him to slow down. But did he listen to me. No! He never listens to me."

And again the man shouted at his wife "Listen stupid, I told you to SHUT UP!"

The policeman then looked at the woman and said "does he always talk to you this more...

A police officer had just pulled a car over. When he walked up to the car a man rolled down the window and said, "what's the problem officer?"To which the policeman responded, "I stopped you for running that red light behind you." Just then the man's wife leaned forward from the driver's seat and said with a very loud voice, "I told him to stop at that light. But did he listen? No. He just kept right on going."
The man then turned to his wife and yelled "Shut up stupid!" The policeman continued, "And just before the light I clocked you doing 50 m.p.h. and the speed limit is only 30." His wife then leaned forward again and squawked "I told him to slow down. But did he listen to me. No! He never listens to me."
And again the man shouted at his wife "Listen stupid, I told you to SHUT UP!"
The policeman then looked at the woman and said "does he always talk to you this way?"
To which the woman more...

Three women are about to be executed.One's a brunette, one's a redhead, and one's a blonde.Two guards brings the brunette forward, and the executioner asks if she has any last requests.She says no, and the executioner shouts, "Ready. . . Aim. . . "Suddenly the brunette yells, "earthquake!!"Everyone is startled and looks around. She manages to escape.The angry guards then bring the redhead forward, and the executioner asks if she has any last requests.She says no, and the executioner shouts, "Ready. . . Aim. . . "The redhead then screams, "tornado!!"Yet again, everyone is startled and looks around. She too escapes execution.By this point, the blonde had figured out what the others did.The guards bring her forward, and the executioner asks if she has any last requests.She also says no, and the executioner shouts, "Ready. . . Aim. . . "The blonde shouts, "fire!!"

'Twas the nocturnal segment of the diurnal period preceding the annual
Yuletide celebration and throughout our place of residence, kinetic activity
was not in evidence among the possessors of this potential, including that
species of diminutive rodent known as Mus musculus. Hosiery was
meticulously suspended from the forward edge of the wood-burning caloric
apparatus, pursuant to our anticipatory pleasure regarding an imminent
visitation from an eccentric philanthropist among whose folkloric
appellations is the honorific title of St. Nick.

The prepubescent siblings, comfortably ensconced in their respective
accommodations of repose, were experiencing subconscious visual
hallucinations of variegated saccarinose fruit confections performing
choreography through their cerebrums. My conjugal partner and I, attired in
our nocturnal head-coverings, were about to take slumberous advantage of the
Arctic-like gloom when more...

There was a redhead standing at the corner of a VERY busy city street corner. She was just taking one step forward and one step back and saying, "49..." She took one step forward and one step back then said, "49..." She continued to do this untill a blonde walked up and asked her, "What are you doing?"
The redhead replyed, "Aerobics! Want to try?"
The blonde answered, "Sure!" So she took a step forward and said, "49..." and a bus sped by and hit the blonde, killing her!
Then the redhead continued, she took one step forward and one step back and then said, "50..." one step forward one step back, "50..."