First Jokes / Recent Jokes

Q: Why is it dangerous for a lawyer to walk onto a construction site when plumbers are working?
A: Because they might connect the drain line to the wrong suer.
If a lawyer and an IRS agent were both drowning, and you could only save one of them, would you go to lunch or read the paper?
Q: What do you have if three lawyers are buried up to their necks in cement?
A: Not enough cement.
Q: What do you get when you cross a lawyer with a demon from hell?
A: Another lawyer.
Q: How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Two. One to change it, and one to kick the stool out from under him.
Q: How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: How many can you afford?
Q: What is the difference between a vulture and a lawyer?
A: The vulture eventually lets go.
Person 1: I'm beginning to think that my lawyer is too interested in making money. Person 2: Why do you say that? Person 1: Listen to this from his bill: 'For waking up more...

Monsters, Inc. was a cute animated movie that is pretty funny, but definitely for kids. You should go see it if you have kids, are a kid, or like to pretend you're a kid late at night by wearing diapers. It's made by the Pixar people, who did Toy Story and A Bug's Life, and that pretty much tells you what to expect. Same technology, but a couple years later, so it's a little better, a little more lifelike. Movie gets a nice, solid 3 6/7 Babylons. You'll have a good time, but try not to see it in a theater filled with too many kids- they can be annoying. Especially when the one right behind you spends the last fifteen minutes kicking your chair telling its Mommy that it needs to go to the bathroom.

OK, now let's talk about the Star Wars trailer.

By now, you have seen it, or heard it, or had it described to you by a cyber-dork named C3PO4EVR on a host of fan sites. You know it's really short. You know there is no dialogue. You know that the only sound you get is more...

There are two Mexicans talking. One is a new resident of the town.
The first Mexican says to the other, "Hey, Vato, this town is pretty rough. All the Mexicans know how to fight. So watch your back."
The other Mexican replies, "I don't need to worry, because I know
Mexican Judo."
The first Mexican asks, "What's Mexican Judo?"
The second says, "Ju don't know if I have a gun; Ju don't know if I have a knife..."

An investment counselor went out on her own. She was shrewd and diligent, so business kept coming in. Pretty soon she realized she needed an in-house counsel, and so she began interviewing young lawyers."As I'm sure you can understand," she started off with one of the first applicants, "in a business like this, our personal integrity must be beyond question." She leaned forward and continued, "Mr. Peterson, are you an honest lawyer?""Honest?" replied the job prospect. "Let me tell you something about honest. Why, I'm so honest that my father lent me fifteen thousand dollars for my education and I paid back every penny the minute I tried my very first case.""Impressive. And what sort of case was that?"The lawyer squirmed in his seat and admitted, "He sued me for the money."

First Hydrogen: I think I lost my electron.
Second Hydrogen: Really?
First Hydrogen: Yeah, I'm positive.

If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving isn't for you.

Diary of a New Snow ShovelerDecenber 8th 6:00 PM It started to snow. The first snow of the season and the wife and I took our cocktails and sat for hours by the window watching the huge soft flakes drift down from heaven. It looked like a Grandma Moses print. So romantic we felt like newlyweds again. I love snow! December 9th We woke to a beautiful blanket of crystal white snow covering every inch of the landscape. What a fantastic sight! Can there be a more lovely place in the whole world? Moving here was the best idea I've ever had. Shovelled for the first time in years and felt like a boy again. I did both our driveway and the sidewalks. This afternoon the snowplow came along and covered up the sidewalks and closed in the driveway, so I got to shovel again. What a perfect life.December 12th The sun has melted all our lovely snow. Such a disappointment. My neighbor tells me not to worry, we'll definitely have a white Christmas. No snow on Christmas would be awful! Bob says we'll more...