Finger Jokes / Recent Jokes

A boy came back from school and noticed that his father was wearing his weeding ring at the wrong finger. He asked his father, "Why are you wearing your ring on the wrong hand and finger?" And the father said,"Because I married the wrong wife."

A gorgeous young redhead goes into the doctor's office and says
that her body hurts wherever she touches it. "Impossible!" says the doctor. "Show me." The redhead takes her finger, pushes on her left breast and
screams, then she pushes her elbow and screams in even more agony. She pushes her knee and screams; likewise she pushes her ankle and
screams. Everywhere she touches makes her scream. The doctor says, "You're not really a redhead, are you?" "Well, no" she says, "I'm actually a blonde." "I thought so," the doctor says. "Your finger is broken"

A woman in her 90's is distraught after the death of her warm, caring, faithful husband of seventy years. She can't live without him and decides that the best way to do herself in is to stab herself in her pitifully broken heart. Still, she doesn't want to linger so she calls a doctor to find out exactly where the heart is.
He tells her to put her first two fingers together, hold them horizontally and place the tip of the first finger just below her left nipple. The heart, he says, is immediately below the first knuckle on her second finger.
Later that day, the doctor is called to the emergency room to put fourteen stitches in the elderly woman's left thigh.

A woman in her 90's is distraught after the death of her warm, caring, faithful husband of seventy years. She can't live without him and decides that the best way to do herself in is to stab herself in her pitifully broken heart. Still, she doesn't want to linger so she calls a doctor to find out exactly where the heart is.He tells her to put her first two fingers together, hold them horizontally and place the tip of the first finger just below her left nipple. The heart, he says, is immediately below the first knuckle on her second finger.Later that day, the doctor is called to the emergency room to put fourteen stitches in the elderly woman's left thigh.

One of Microsoft's finest technicans was drafted and sent to boot camp. At the rifle range, he was given some instruction, a rifle, and bullets. He fired several shots at the target. The report came from the target area that all attempts had completely missed the target. The technician looked at his rifle, and then at the target. He looked at the rifle again, and then at the target again. He put his finger over the end of the rifle barrel and squeezed the trigger with his other hand. The end of his finger was blown off, whereupon he yelled toward the target area, "It's leaving here just fine, the trouble must be at your end!"

There Were 3 People In An Aeroplane Which Had Crashed And They Were On A Deserted Island. One Man Was A Russian, The Other Was An American And The Third Was A Sardar(Sikh). They Found A Lamp And They Rubbed It. Out Came A Gin(Jinni). The Gini Said That I Give Each Of You A Wish That I Shall Fulfill After Which I Shall Not Help You. So They Said:
American: Send Me Back Home Safely.
So, The Gin Flicked His Finger And He (American) Vanished.
Russian: Send Me Back Home Safely.
So, The Gin Flicked His Finger And He (Russian) Vanished.
Sardar: I Am Getting Bored Get Me My Friends Back. So The Gin Flicked His Finger And They Both Came Back.
Now What Was Left To Do.
They Were Stuck On The Island Forever.

Four nuns happen to die at the same time and line up at the pearly
gates to enter heaven. St.
Peter says "Before you may pass through the gates sisters, I must ask
you each a question."
He looks at the first nun and says "Sister, have you ever touch a
man's penis?"
The nun holds up her index finger nervously and says "Only with this
one finger St. Peter."
St. Peter takes hold of her finger, dips it in holy water and says
"You may now pass through
the gates into heaven."
St. Peter looks at the second nun and asks "Have your ever touch a
man's penis my dear?"
Holding up her hand, she says,"Only with this one hand your holiness."
So St. Peter takes the sister's hand, dips it in holy water and lets
her walk through the gates.
He then turns and looks at nun #3 when suddenly nun #4 pushes her way
past #3 and
shoves her way up front.
St more...