Fella Jokes / Recent Jokes

One day an older fella was in for a checkup. After his examination, his doctor was amazed." Holy cow! Mr. Edwards, I must say that you are in thegreatest shape of any 64 year old I have ever examined!""Did I say I was 64?" "Well, no, did I read your chart wrong?" "Damn straight you did! I'm 85!""85!! Unbelievable! You would be in great shape if you were25! How old was your father when he died?" "Did I say he was dead?" "You mean...""Damn straight! He's 106 and going strong!""My Lord! What a healthy family you must come from! How long did your grandfather live?" "Did I say he was dead?" "No! You can't mean...""Damn straight! He's 126, and getting married next week!""126! Truly amazing, Mr. Edwards. But gee, I wouldn't thinka man would want to get married at that age!""Did I say he' wanted' to get married?..."

So there's this fella with a parrot. And this parrot swears like a sailor - I mean he's a pistol. He can swear for 5 minutes straight without repeating himself. Trouble is, the guy who owns him is a quiet, conservative type, and this bird's fowl mouth is driving him crazy.

One day, it gets to be too much, so the guy grabs the bird by the throat, shakes him really hard, and yells, "QUIT IT!". But this just makes the bird mad and he swears more than ever. Then the guy gets mad and says, "OK for you!" and locks the bird in a kitchen cabinet. This really aggravates the bird and he claws and scratches, and when the guy finally lets him out, the bird cuts loose with a stream of invective that would make a veteran sailor blush.

At that point, the guy is so mad that he throws the bird into the freezer. For the first few seconds there is a terrible din. The bird kicks and claws and thrashes. Then it suddenly gets_very_quiet.

At first the guy more...

A guy walks into a bar. .. once inside, he realizes it's a gay bar, but he decides,' What the heck, I really want a drink.'

So he sits down at the bar, and the gay bartender says to him,' What's the name of your penis?'

The guy says,' Look, I'm not into any of that. All I want is a drink.'

The gay bartender says,' I'm sorry, but I can't serve you until you tell me the name of your penis.

So the guy looks at the man sitting to his left who is sipping on a beer and asks,' Hey bud, what's the name of your penis?' The man to left, with a smile, looks back and says,' TIMEX.'

The guy asks,' Why Timex?' The fella proudly replies,' Cause it takes a lickin' and keeps on tickin'!'

A little shaken, the guy turns to the fella on his right sipping on a fruity margarita,' So, what do you call your penis?' The man to his right turns to him and proudly exclaims,' FORD, because quality is Job 1', he then ads,' Have you driven a Ford more...

There was an Irishman, an Englishman and Claudia Schiffer sitting together in a carriage in a train going through Tasmania. Suddenly the train went through a tunnel and as it was an old style train there were no lights in the carriages and it went completely dark.

Then there was this kissing noise and the sound of a really loud slap. When the train came out of the tunnel, Claudia Schiffer and the Irishman were sitting as if nothing had happened and the Englishman had his hand against his face as he had been slapped there.

The Englishman was thinking: "The Irish fella must have kissed Claudia Schiffer and she missed him and slapped me instead."

Claudia Schiffer was thinking: "The English fella must have tried to kiss me and actually kissed the Irishman and got slapped for it."

The Irishman was thinking: "This is great! The next time the train goes through a tunnel I'll make another kissing noise and slap that English more...

fella goes to the doctors and says i got a mole on the end of my penis, Doc says drop your trousers and show me, After which the doctor says i can get rid of the mole but i, m gonna have to report you to the animal welfare people

Well, a couple months back there was this trial in the West Virginia courts. A man was being tried for fornicating with a sheep, since that's illegal an' all.
Anyway, the key witness was an old fella who was walking along the highway by the farm where the sheep was raised. The prosecutor asked the witness what he saw: "Well, I was walkin' along, and saw this sheep just'a eatin' grass. And then this fella walks up from behind the sheep, real quiet-like."
"And then what?" asked the prosecutor.
"Then he unbuckled his belt, and pulled the sheep close."
"And what happened after that?"
"Well," said the witness, "they sorta shook for a couple of minutes. THEN, afterwards, the sheep turned around... an' licked him!"
Just then one of the members of the jury leaned over to the jury member next to him and said, "You know... a good sheep'll do that."

Couple of things you oughta know
Firstly, when I'm born, I'm black!!
When I grow up, I'm black
When I get sick, I'm black
When I go out in the sun, I'm black
When I'm cold, I'm black
And when I get scared,
Gee, I'm black
And When I die, I'm still black
But you white fella...
When you born, you pink
When you grow up, you white
When you get sick, you green
When you go out in the sun, you red
When you get cold, you go blue
When you get scared, you yellow
And when you die, you purple
And YOU got the cheek to call ME coloured??!!