Federal Jokes / Recent Jokes

If men had PMS, what would happen? a) The federal government would allocate funds to study it.b) Cramps would become an acceptable reason to apply for permanentdisability.c) There would be a federal holiday every 28 days.d) All of the above.

Is It Better To Be A Jock Or A Nerd?
The answer to the eternal question "Is it better to be a jock or a nerd"?
Michael Jordan made over $300, 000 a game. That equals $10, 000 a minute, at an average of 30 minutes per game.
With $40 million in endorsements, he made $178, 100 a day, working or not.
If he sleeps 7 hours a night, he makes $52, 000 every night while visions of sugarplums dance in his head.
If he goes to see a movie, it'll cost him $9. 50, but he'll make $18, 550 while he's there.
If he decides to have a 5 minute egg, he'll make $618 while boiling it.
He makes $7, 415/hr more than minimum wage.
He'd make $3, 710 while watching each episode of Friends.
If he wanted to save up for a new Acura SLX (about $90, 000) it would take him a whole 12 hours.
If someone were to hand him his salary and endorsement money, they would have to do it at the rate of $2. 00 every second.
He'd probably pay around $200 for a nice more...

NO ZAMBODIANS, PLEASE: Judge Rules Out Prince Mongo's Costume

MEMPHIS, Tenn. - A judge has ruled that a defendant can't show up for trial wearing fur, bones, goggles and pale green body paint, even if he is from the planet Zambodia.

But an attorney for the man who calls himself Prince Mongo wants to make a federal case out of his client's 10-day jail sentence for contempt of court. Slug PM-Prince Mongo. New, may stand. Federal court hearing starts at 1 p. m. EDT.

REDMOND, Wash. - Oct. 21, 1997 -- In direct response to accusations made by the Department of Justice, the Microsoft Corp. announced today that it will be acquiring the federal government of the United States of America for an undisclosed sum.

'It's actually a logical extension of our planned growth', said Microsoft chairman Bill Gates,' It really is going to be a positive arrangement for everyone'.

Microsoft representatives held a briefing in the oval office of the White House with U.S. President Bill Clinton, and assured members of the press that changes will be' minimal'. The United States will be managed as a wholly owned division of Microsoft. An initial public offering is planned for July of next year, and the federal government is expected to be profitable by' Q4 1999 at latest', according to Microsoft president Steve Ballmer.

In a related announcement, Bill Clinton stated that he had' willingly and enthusiastically' accepted a position as a more...

A New Orleans lawyer sought an FHA (Federal Housing Authority) loan for a client. He was told the loan would be granted if he could prove satisfactory title to a parcel of property being offered as collateral. The title to the property dated back to 1803, which took the lawyer three months to track down.

After sending the information to the FHA, he received the following reply (actual letter):

"Upon review of your letter adjoining your client's loan application, we note that the request is supported by an Abstract of Title. While we compliment the able manner in which you have prepared and presented the application, we must point out that you have only cleared title to the proposed collateral back to 1803. Before final approval can be accorded, it will be necessary to clear the title back to its origin."

The lawyer responded as follows (actual letter):

"Your letter regarding title in Case No. 189156 has been received. I note more...

$ Michael Jordan having “retired, ” with $40 million in endorsements, makes $178, 100 a day, working or not.
$ If he sleeps 7 hours a night, he makes $52, 000 every night while visions of sugarplums dance in his head.
$ If he goes to see a movie, it’ll cost him $7. 00, but he’ll make $18, 550 while he’s there.
$ If he decides to have a 5 minute egg, he’ll make $618 while boiling it.
$ He makes $7, 415/hr more than minimum wage.
$ He’ll make $3, 710 while watching each episode of Friends.
$ If he wanted to save up for a new Acura NSX ($90, 000) it would take him a whole 12 hours.
$ If someone were to hand him his salary and endorsement money, they would have to do it at the rate of $2. 00 every second.
$ He’ll probably pay around $200 for a nice round of golf, but will be reimbursed $33, 390 for that round.
$ Assuming he puts the federal maximum of 15% of his income into a tax deferred account (401k), his contributions will more...

If men had PMS/PMT, what would happen? a. The federal government would allocate funds to study it. b. Cramps would become an acceptable reason to apply for permanent disability. c. There would be a federal holiday every 28 days