Fed Jokes / Recent Jokes

Day 1 Dear Emile, Thanks for da bird in the Pear tree. I fixed it las
night with dirty rice an it was delicious. I doan tink the Pear tree
would grow in de swamp, so I swapped it for a Satsuma.
Day 2 Dear Emile, Your letter said you sent 2 turtle dove, but all I got
was 2 scrawny pigeon.
Anyway, I mixed them with andouille and made some gumbo out of dem.
Day 3 Dear Emile, Why doan you sen me some crawfish? I’m tired of
eating dem darned bird. I gave two of those prissy French chicken to
Mrs. Fontenot over at Grand Chenier, and fed the tird one to my dog,
Phideaux. Mrs. Fontenot needed some sparring partners for her fighting
rooster.
Day 4 Dear Emile, Mon Dieux! I tole you no more of dem bird. Deez
four, what you call “calling bird” wuz so noisy you could hear dem all
da’ way to Lafayette. I used they necks for my crab traps, and fed the
rest of dem to the gators.
Day 5 Dear Emile, You finally sent more...

CLASSIC VERSION: The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building his house and laying up supplies for the winter. The grasshopper thinks he`s a fool, and laughs and dances and plays the summer away. Come winter, the ant is warm and well fed. The grasshopper has no food or shelter, so he dies out in the cold. MODERN VERSION: The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building his house and laying up supplies for the winter. The grasshopper thinks he`s a fool, and laughs and dances and plays the summer away. Come winter, the shivering grasshopper calls a press conference and demands to know why the ant should be allowed to be warm and well fed while others less fortunate are cold and starving. CBS, NBC and ABC show up to provide pictures of the shivering grasshopper next to a video of the ant in his comfortable home with a table filled with food. America is stunned by the sharp contrast. How can this be, that in a country of such wealth, this poor more...

Although in recent years, the Irish seem to have been shamefully neglected as a good group to ridicule (except perhaps in the UK), I come from a huge (what other kind is there?) Irish family, and telling jokes at our own expense occupies a lot of our time at family gatherings, e. g.: A VERY pregnant Irish woman awakes in the middle of the night and says to her husband, "Paddy, darlin' turn on the light, the baby's comin'"
Paddy turns on the light, and they successfully deliver a little baby, get it fed, stick it in a cradle, and go back to sleep.
A bit later, the wife says,"Bejesus, Paddy, turn on the light. It's twins, it is!"
Paddy turns on the light; second baby delivered, fed, cradled; couple goes back to sleep.
(This happens as many times as you like)
Finally, the wife awakens, and cries, "Bejesus, Paddy, another one, turn on the light!"
Paddy, without turning over in bed, says: "I will not. It's the light that's more...

A man started a new job at a zoo. He was given his first job by the zoo owner – to clean out the large tropical fish tank, which contained many exotic species.
While removing some gravel from the tank with his spade, he accidently hit one of the fish and killed it. Worried about losing his job for this mistake, he decided to hide the evidence. He took the fish and fed it to the lions because lions eat anything.
The zoo owner did not notice the missing fish and gave the man a new job – to muck out the chimps. He was in the middle of mucking out when two of the chimps became a bit over familiar and, in an attempt to get them away the man lashed out with his spade, killing two chimps. In his panic he decided to hide the evidence and fed the unfortunate chimpanzees to the lions because lions eat anything.
The zoo owner was pleased with the man’s work and as his final task for the day he asked him to collect honey from the zoo’s beehives. The man tried hard to do more...

CLASSIC VERSION: The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building his house and laying up supplies for the winter. The grasshopper thinks he's a fool, and laughs and dances and plays the summer away. Come winter, the ant is warm and well fed. The grasshopper has no food or shelter, so he dies out in the cold. MODERN VERSION: The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building his house and laying up supplies for the winter. The grasshopper thinks he's a fool, and laughs and dances and plays the summer away. Come winter, the shivering grasshopper calls a press conference and demands to know why the ant should be allowed to be warm and well fed while others less fortunate are cold and starving. CBS, NBC and ABC show up to provide pictures of the shivering grasshopper next to a video of the ant in his comfortable home with a table filled with food. America is stunned by the sharp contrast. How can this be, that in a country of such wealth, this poor more...