Envious Jokes

*THE FOLLOWING BIT IS PROUDLY SPONSORED BY W. SHAKESPEARE INTERNATIONAL PLC*
He jests at scars that never felt a wound.
But soft! What light through yonder window breaks?
WHAT?
It is the east, and Juliet is the sun.
WHO THE HELL ARE YOU?
Arise, fair sun, and kill the envious moon
IT'S THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT!
Who is already sick and pale with grief
WILL YOU PISS OFF - WE'RE TRYING TO SLEEP
That thou, her maid, art far more fair than she
I'M WARNING YOU, IF YOU DON'T SHUT UP...
Be not her maid, since she is envious.
I'M GONNA COME DOWN THERE, AND SMASH YOUR BLOODY FACE IN
Her vestal livery is but sick and green
WILL YOU PUT A BLOODY SOCK IN IT?
And none but fools do wear it: cast it off
I'M GOING TO CAST YOU RIGHT OFF THIS BALCONY IF YOU'RE NOT CAREFUL
It is my lady, O it is my love
LOOK, ONE MORE STANZA OUT OF YOU AND I'LL CALL THE POLICE
O that she knew she were
HELLO, POLICE?
She speaks, yet she more...