England Jokes / Recent Jokes

All of the following town names are REAL:
Long Dong (Guangxi, China)
Blowhard (Australia)
Pickles Gap (Arkansas)
Petting (Germany)
Mount Mee (Australia)
Titting (Germany)
Lickdale (Pennsylvania, USA)
Yocumtown (Pennsylvania, USA)
Fugit (Kentucky, USA)
Assinippi (Massachusetts, USA)
Big Cockup and Little Cockup (England)
Cocktown (Wexford, Ireland)
Sally's Gap (Ireland)
Dick Johnson (Indiana, USA)
Beaver Bottom (Kentucky, USA)
Black Butte (Oregon, USA)
Sandy Balls (England)
Tilicum (Washington, USA)
Cockburn (Australia)
Bangor (Wales)
Dyckesville (Wisconsin, USA)
Ballville (Ohio, USA)
Prickwillow (England)
Black Charlie's Opening (England)
Kinmount (Ontario, Canada)
Euren (Wisconsin, USA)
Cockland (Ohio, USA)
Assville (Tennessee, USA)
Spuzzum (Canada)
Bloody Dick (Montana, USA)
Shafter (California, USA)
Beaver (Oklahoma, USA)
Mt. Buggery more...

There are three men a plane; an Englishman, a Scotsman, and an Irishman.
When each of them flew over their country they dropped an item.
When the plane flew over England, the Englishman dropped a rose; when the plane flew over Scotland, the Scotsman dropped a thistle, and finally, when the plane flew over Ireland, the Irishman dropped a bomb.(Yes, Irishmen are crazy!)
They then flew over all the countries again, but passing by where they dropped the items.
In England the rose had dropped in a bus station and a woman was weeping.
They asked, "Woman, why are you weeping?" She said in reply, "Well, the Lord sent me a rose but I'm allergic to them."
Next, they journeyed over to Scotland. In Scotland also the thistle had dropped in a bus station.
In the station a man was screaming and yelling. They asked the man, "Man, why are you yelling?" He answered, "Well, a thistle fell from the sky, but it landed in my more...

Bob: The national sport in Spain is bullfighting and in England it's cricket.

Ray: I'd rather play in England.

Bob: Why do you say that?

Ray: It's easier to fight crickets.

There was this man who was about to go on a trip to England. The day before he left he asked his next-door neighbor, Mrs. Dunn, if she wanted anything from England.
'Yes', she said. 'Could you please find my son Neely. He's been gone 10 years and has not written or phoned me. Ever! I write to him but he never replies. I try to phone him but he never seems to be in. Anyway, here's his address.' And on a back of a handy envelope she scribbled:
Neely Dunn
WC1
London, England.
The next day, the man embarked on his journey. The plane landed at Heathrow. He got off the plane and was walking down the corridor when he saw a sign saying 'WC'.
He entered the room, and saw that it was a washroom. He proceeded to the first toilet stall, knocked on the door and said: - 'Are you Neely Dunn?'
'Yes, but I ran out of paper', came the reply.
'Well, that's no excuse not to write your mother!!'

Why did the blonde find her trip to England disappointing? She discovered Big Ben was only a clock.

London, England:
The airline Virgin Atlantic plans to install bedrooms complete with
showers, Jacuzzis and double beds in its 747 jumbos to encourage travelers
to join the "Mile High Club", a report said Wednesday.
Ten to 12 rooms will be installed in the hold of airplanes and be accessed
by a staircase from the main cabin, the Sun newspaper said.
The price of a trip from London to New York would be around 2,900 pounds
($4,600).
"You can do it on cruise ships and trains, why not on a plane? Passengers
will find it comfy and romantic," airline boss Richard Branson was quoted
as saying.
The paper said Branson also plans a Kiddie Class, where airline nannies
and clowns will entertain children.

A South African, an Australian and an Englishman are all drinking in a bar. Suddenly, the South African downs the remainder of his drink, tosses his glass in the air, draws his pistol and shoots the glass.
"In South Africa our glasses are so cheap that we don't need to drink from the same ones twice," he says proudly.
The Australian, who is obviously impressed by this, downs his drink, tosses his glass, draws his gun and shoots the glass.
"In Australia we've got so much sand to make glasses that we don't need to drink from the same ones twice," he says.
The Englishman pauses to give this some thought, then downs his drink, casually tosses his glass into the air, draws his gun, and shoots the South African and the Australian.
"In England we have so many South Africans and Australians that we don't need to drink with the same ones twice," he says.