Elizabeth Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    [Original Author: Richard Lederer, St Paul's School]
    One of the fringe benefits of being an English or History teacher is receiving the occasional jewel of a
    student blooper in an essay. I have pasted together the following "history" of the world from certifiably
    genuine student bloopers collected by teachers throughout the United States, from eighth grade through
    college level. Read carefully, and you will learn a lot.
    The inhabitants of ancient Egypt were called mummies. They lived in the Sarah Dessert and traveled by
    Camelot. The climate in the Sarah is such that the inhabitants have to live elsewhere, so certain areas of
    the dessert are cultivated by irritation. The Egyptians built the pyramids in the shape of a huge triangular
    cube. The pyramids are a range of mountains between France and Spain.
    The Bible is full of interesting caricatures. In the first book of the Bible, Guinesses, Adam and Eve were
    created from an more...

    There was a married couple sleeping and an intruder entered into their house. The intruder put a knife to the neck of the woman and said, "I like to know the names of my victims before I kill them. What is your name?"

    "My name is Elizabeth," the woman replied.

    The intruder said, "You remind me of my mother who was also named Elizabeth, so I can't kill you."

    The intruder then turned to the husband and asked, "What is your name?"

    "My name's Mario, but my friends call me Elizabeth."

    Queen Elizabeth II, George W Bush & Robert Mugabe died & went straight to hell.Queen Elizabeth II said "I miss Britain, I want to call Britain and see how everybody is doing there. She called and talked for about 5 minutes, then her Majesty asked "Well, Devil how much do I owe you? The devil replied "Five million dollars" She wrote him a cheque and went to sit back on her chair.George Bush was so jealous, he began screaming, "My turn! I wanna call the United States, I want to see how everybody is doing there too" He called and talked for about 10 minutes, then he asked "Well, Devil how much do I owe you? The devil replied "Ten million dollars" With a smug look on his face, he made a cheque and went to sit back on his chair.Robert Mugabe was even more jealous & started screaming, "I want to call Zimbabwe, I want to see how everybody is doing there. I wanna talk to the ministers, to the deputy, I wanna talk to everybody". He called more...

    Then: Swallowing acid Now: Swallowing antacid Then: You’re growing pot Now: Your growing pot Then: Watching John Glenn’s historic flight with your parents Now: Watching John Glenn’s historic flight with your kids Then: Trying to look like Marlon Brando or Elizabeth Taylor Now: Trying not to look like Marlon Brando or Elizabeth Taylor Then: Passing the driving test Now: Passing the vision test Then: Seeds and stems Now: Roughage Then: Popping pills, smoking joints Now: Popping joints Then: Whatever? Now: Depends Then: Ommmmmm Now: Ummmmm Then: Our president’s struggle with Fidel Now: Our president’s struggle with fidelity

    Queen Elizabeth and Lady Di are out for a drive in the royal car on a
    Sunday afternoon, and they slow down when they see a man by the roadside
    signaling for help. But no sooner has the car come to a stop than he
    springs to the door, pulls out a gun, and orders them both out of the car.
    "Queen Elizabeth," he snarls, "hand over that snazzy diamond tiara you're
    always wearing."
    "I'm terribly sorry, my good man," says the queen, "but I'm afraid I don't
    wear it on Sundays."
    "Aw, hell," says the guy. "Well listen, Di, hand over that fancy engagement
    ring I keep seeing in all the pictures."
    "I'm terribly sorry," says Lady Di sweetly, "but I'm afraid I didn't put it
    on this morning. It must still be on my night table."
    "Aw, shit," growls the guy. "I guess I'll just grab the car." So off
    he drives at the wheel of the Bentley, more...

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