Eight Jokes / Recent Jokes

"Simon, if I had eight apples in my right hand and ten apples in my left hand, what would I have?"
"Huge hands, sir."

What Exactly Is Marriage?"Marriage is when you get to keep your girl and don't have to give her back to her parents" -Eric, six years old"When somebody's been dating for a while, the boy might propose to the girl. He says to her,' I'll take you for a whole life, or at least until we have kids and get divorced, but you got to do one particular thing for me.' Then she says yes, but she's wondering what the thing is and whether it's naughty or not. She can't wait to find out." -Anita, nine years oldHow Does a Person Decide Whom to marry?"You flip a nickel, and heads means you stay with him and tails means you try the next one." -Kelly, nine years old"My mother says to look for a man who is kind.... That's what I'll do.... I'll find somebody who's kinda tall and handsome." -Carolyn, eight years oldConcerning the Proper Age to Get Married"Once I'm done with kindergarten, I'm going to find me a wife" -Bert, five years oldHow Did Your Mom and more...

An enormous monster with eight arms and eleven legs walked into a tailors shop. Quick! shouted the tailor to his assistant. Hide the "Free Alterations" sign!

The Americans and Japanese decided to engage in a boat race. Both teams practiced hard and long to reach their peak performance levels. On the big day they felt ready. The Japanese won by a mile.
The American team was discouraged by the loss. Morale sagged. Corporate management decided that the reason for the crushing defeat had to be found, so a consulting firm was hired to investigate the problem and recommend corrective action.
The consultant's finding: The Japanese team had eight people rowing and one person steering: the American team had one person rowing and eight people steering.
After a year of study and millions spent analyzing the problem, the consultant firm concluded that too many people were steering and not enough were rowing on the American team. So as race day neared again the following year, the American's team management structure was completely reorganized. The new structure: four steering managers, three area steering managers, and a new performance more...

Q. What is forty feet long and has eight teeth?
A. The front row at a Willie Nelson concert.

A population control program had been introduced to the island, but the doctors were having trouble getting the women to take their birth control pills. They decided, therefore, to concentrate on teaching the men to wear condoms.

One of the men who came in had had eight children in eight years, and the doctor told him that he absolutely had to wear a sheath. He explained that as long as he wore it his woman could not have another baby. About a month later, the wife came in and she was pregnant. The doctor got very angry. He called the man in and gave him a long lecture through an interpreter. He asked the man why he hadn't worn the sheath.

The interpreter said, "He swears he did wear it. He never took it off."

The doctor shook his head. "In that case, ask him how in the heck his wife is pregnant again?"

"He says," said the interpreter, "that after six days he had to pee so badly that he cut the end more...

The Americans and the Japanese decided to engage in a boat race. Both teams practiced hard and long to reach their peak performance levels.
On the big day they felt ready. The Japanese won by a mile. The American team was discouraged by the loss. Morale sagged.
Corporate management decided that the reason for the crushing defeat had to be found, so a consulting firm was hired to investigate the problem and recommend corrective action.
The consultant's finding: The Japanese team had eight people rowing and one person steering; the American team had one person rowing and eight people steering.
After a year of study and millions spent analyzing the problem, the consultant firm concluded that too many people were steering and not enough were rowing on the American team. So as race day neared again the following year, the American team's management structure was completely reorganized.
The new structure: four steering managers, three area steering managers, and a new more...