Education Jokes / Recent Jokes

A teacher was giving a lesson about the circulation of blood. Attempting to make the subject clearer, he said to his class, "Now students, if I were to stand on my head, as you know, the blood would rush into it and I would turn red in the face."
The students all nodded in agreement.
"Then why is it that when I am standing in an upright position, the blood doesn't rush into my feet?" asked the teacher.
A student at the back of the class yelled out, "Probably because your feet aren't empty!"

One day the school troublemaker was sent to the principal's office.

"Do you know why you're here?" asked the principal.

"Is it about this morning?" asked the troublemaker.

"Your teacher says you ran in the hall, beat up two students, started a food fight in the cafeteria, and cursed at one of your classmates."

"Boy, that's a relief," sighed the troublemaker. "I thought maybe you found out I broke your windshield."

Below are the typical areas of a resume and my priceless secrets for dealing with them. These tips will help crush the competition, get you in the door and put you behind a desk making 50 big ones, plus bonus.
THE NAME - Use the name to your advantage. Spice it up a little bit. Steve Smith goes nowhere fast. But Sir Stephen Smith - now that might turn a few heads. Nicknames also help. Mark "Keyboards" O'Malley is good. Mark "Kegsucker" O'Malley is bad.
THE ADDRESS - Forget your real address. Make a statement instead! Saying you're from the Bronx suggests you're tough as nails. Anyplace in Japan implies you believe in an 18-hour-a-day work ethic!
THE PHONE NUMBER - Skip it. What are the odds they'll call - 1,000 to 1. If they do, they'll probably just catch your roommate somewhere in the middle of his second six-pack. My advice is never put your phone number on a resume unless you want to try some interesting 900 number which might wake up a recruiter or more...

The two college football players knew that if they failed this final exam, they would be placed on academic probation and wouldn't be permitted to play in the Sugar Bowl the following week. The exam was fill-in-the-blank and the final question was, "Old McDonald had a _______."
Poor Bubba was really stumped. He knew he needed to get this one right to pass. Checking to make sure the professor wasn't watching, he tapped Tiny on the shoulder.
"Pssssst, Tiny," Bubba whispered, "what the answer to the last question?"
Tiny made sure the professor hadn't noticed, then turned to Bubba and said, "Gee Bubba, you sure are dumb. Everyone knows Old McDonald had a farm."
"Right, I remember now," Bubba said. He picked up his pencil to fill in the answer and immediately stopped.
Tapping Tiny on the shoulder again, he whispered, "How do you spell farm?"
"You really are stupid, Bubba," Tiny replied. more...

A woodshop teacher asks the only girl in the class what the difference is between a nail, a screw, and a bolt on the first day of school and she says "
Well, I can't rightly tell you since i ain't never been bolted."

A 5th grade class was putting on a school play about the Knights of the Roundtable. One little boy was very timid, so the teacher asked him to be responsible for saying just one line in the play. He was to go up to a young girl dressed as a fair maiden and say, "Oh, fair young damsel, I've come to snatch a kiss and fill your soul with hope." The boy practiced the line for hours on end to make sure he would say it perfectly.
But, the night the play was done for the school children and all the parents, the boy became extremely nervous. When the play got to his line, it came out, "Oh, damn young fairsel, I've come to kiss your snatch and fill your hole with soap!"

A professor handed out the test papers to all of his students and returned to his desk to wait. When the test was over, the students handed them in.
As the professor was going through the papers, he noticed one student had paper-clipped a $100 bill to his test with an accompanying note saying "A buck a point".
The next day the professor handed the tests back to the respective students.
The student who attached the $100 bill to his, received his test score back along with $64 and a note saying, "here's your change".