Eddie Jokes / Recent Jokes

"I thought you were going to marry Eddie? You said it was love at first sight."
"It was “ it was the second and third sights that put me off him."

A first-grade class is having a game of Name That Animal.The teacher held up a picture of a cat."What animal is this?" she asked. "A cat!" said Eddie."Good job! Now, what is this animal?""A dog!" said Eddie."Good! Now what animal is this?" she asked, holding up a picture of aDeer. The class fell silent. After a couple of minutes, the teacher said,"It's what your mom calls your dad.""A horny bastard," called out Eddie.

Eddie Van Halen entered rehab to "work on" himself. He may miss Van Halen's induction into the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame and a planned reunion tour this summer.

"I know things look bad", said Eddie, "but you have to focus on the bright side - I still have most of my teeth."

Walking into the bar, Harvey said to the bartender, "Pour me a stiff one, Eddie. I just had another fight with the little woman".
"Oh yeah", said Eddie. "And how did this one end"?
"When it was over", Harvey replied. "She came crawling to me on her hands and knees".
"Really? Now that's a switch! What did she say"?
"She said, 'Come out from under that bed, you gutless weasel!'"

Pete was the playboy of the office. He kept the typewriter set bug-eyed with juicy tales of his conquests. One afternoon a bachelor in the office cornered him and asked, "Pete, how the hell do you do it? You're a married man, but you make Casanova look like a two-bit amateur. Come on, buddy, what's your secret?"
Pete was in a conversational mood. "I wouldn't do this for everybody, Eddie," he said, "but you're a friend, so I'll tell you my secret. Like all great plans, it's really very simple. It's all in the approach!
"Tonight, take the 5: 21 out of Penn Station and get off at Great Neck. You'll find dozens of dolls there waiting for their husbands. Now there are always some husbands who have to work late. So all you have to do is be charming and let nature take its course."
The system was indeed simple, but it also seemed foolproof. Eddie boarded the 5: 21 that night with Pete's instructions fixed firmly in his mind. But he dozed en more...