Each Jokes / Recent Jokes
December 1
TO: ALL EMPLOYEES
I'm happy to inform you that the company Christmas Party will take place on December 23rd at Luigi's Open Pit Barbecue. There will be lots of spiked eggnog and a small band playing traditional carols... feel free to sing along. And don't be surprised if our CEO shows up dressed as Santa Claus to light the Christmas tree! Exchange of gifts among employees can be done at that time; however, no gift should be over $10. Merry Christmas to you and your family.
Patty Lewis
Human Resources Director
----------------------------------------------
December 2nd
TO: ALL EMPLOYEES
In no way was yesterday's memo intended to exclude our Jewish employees. We recognize that, Hanukkah is an important holiday that often coincides with Christmas (though unfortunately not this year). However, from now on we're calling it our "Holiday Party." The same policy applies to employees who are celebrating Kwanzaa at this time. There more...
Editor's Note: We get so many yo momma jokes that I decided to group them. Keep checking back, this is likely to grow
----
yo mama is so fat she said she wanted a water bed so she put a big blanket around the Pacifc ocean.
yo mama is so fat she sat on a dollar and out popped four quarters, she stepped on one of those quarters and a booger popped out of George Washington's nose
yo mama is so fat that the last time she saw 90210......was on the SCALE"
yo mama is so fat when her beeper goes off everyone thinks shes backing up."
yo mamma is so fat she is on both sides of the family.
yo mamma is so fat the only way she can fit throw the door is saying I got the power
yo mamma is so fat when she got hit by a bus she said who threw that rock."
yo mamma is so fat when she had on yellow raincoat people called taxi
yo mamma is so fat when she jumped into the ocean everyone more...
I love you more than all the stars in the sky.
I love you more as each moment
passes us by.
I love you more with every breath I take.
I love you more with each promise we make.
HOW TO DECIDE WHO TO MARRY? (as answered by primary school students)
You got to find somebody who likes the same stuff. Like, if you like sports, she should like that you like sports, and she should keep the chips and dip coming.
Alan, age 10
No person really decides before they grow up who they're going to marry. God decides it all way before, and you get to find out later who you're stuck with.
Kirsten, age 10
WHAT IS THE RIGHT AGE TO GET MARRIED?
23 is the best age because you know the person FOREVER by then. Camille, age 10
No age is good to get married at. You got to be a fool to get married.
Freddie, age 6
HOW CAN A STRANGER TELL IF TWO PEOPLE ARE MARRIED?
You might have to guess, like maybe if they were yelling at the same kids.
Derrick, age 8
WHAT DO YOU THINK YOUR MOM AND DAD HAVE IN COMMON?
Both don't want any more kids.
Lori, age 8
WHAT DO more...
Aftrer serving in Afganistan, some GIs were were lucky to spend the festive season with their families. The lucky ones were in Germany to catch the connecting flight to the USA. Yet there was a considerable dealy in waiting. Hence, the last remaining nine Officers were requested to share a large army style room.
There were three of each from the Army, Ari Force and Navy respectively. As allocated they grouped into three sections of the same hall. When they were about to settle in their beds an actractive young blond was also brought to the very place as there were no accomadation anywhere else. The co-operative entertainer, did not mind in sharing the same hall as there was no other alaternative.
Following morning at the breakfast the waiter asked each group what they would like to drink. The Army, Air Force and Navy settled down with black coffee. The blond ordered, Indian Tea with no milk and suger. The the waiter asked how come she not settle for coffee. She promptly more...
ON COURAGE: "They were doing a full back shot of me in a swimsuit and I thought, Oh my God, I have to be so brave. See, every woman hates herself from behind." -- Cindy Crawford
ON SELF-KNOWLEDGE: "Everywhere I went, my cleavage followed. But I learned I am not my cleavage." -- Carole Mallory
ON POVERTY: "Everyone should have enough money to get plastic surgery." -- Beverly Johnson
ON FATE: "I wish my butt did not go sideways, but I guess I have to face that." -- Christie Brinkley
ON ARRIVING: "Because modeling is lucrative, I'm able to save up and be more particular about the acting roles I take." -- Kathy Ireland (star of Alien From L. A. and Danger Island)
ON CAREER CHOICES: "My boyfriend thinks I lost my true calling to be a librarian." -- Paulina Porizkova
ON PRIORITIES: "I would rather exercise than read a newspaper." -- Kim Alexis
ON more...
A just-married Chinese couple decided to make love on the wedding night in the hotel where they held their wedding. The wife did not want to get pregnant and requested the husband to buy condom from the shop nearby. When the husband left, the wife waited anxiously in the room with all the lights switched off. The husband had a hard time looking for a shop that sell condom and when he finally found one, he realized that he had only one 20 cents coin. He asked the shop owner to sell him one piece of condom and the shop owner asked him which quality does he want. "The white condom, lowest quality, is 15 cents each. The black condom, average quality, is 20 cents each. And the purple condom, highest quality, is 25 cents each." So the husband took the black condom as he had only 20 cents with him. While the husband was out, a black Indian thief came into the room. The wife did not notice and thought that it was her husband. She grabs the thief and happily screwing away. The wife more...