Dole Jokes / Recent Jokes
Q:What does Bob Dole and the Empire State building have in common?
A: They both took 410 days to be erected.
What REALLY happened as the Torch made its way through our our
nation's capital:
3:15 Torch arrives at U.S. Capitol
3:30 Torch leaves U.S. Capitol, carried by Bob Dole.
5:00 One block later, Bob Dole hands off torch.
5:15 Torch enters Northeast Washington
5:16 First recorded case of "Torch-jacking" occurs.
6:00 After massive search, Torch is found in a local pawn shop and
repurchased for $25
6:15 Torch arrives at city hall. Crowd is dismayed when Marion
Barry uses it to light his crack pipe.
6:20 Barry is further embarrassed when he is stopped trying to take
the torch to the country for "spiritual renewal".
6:30 Torch heads into Northwest Washington
6:35 Torch runner falls into D.C. pothole.
6:45 Torch is recovered (runner is never found).
6:55 Torch arrives at Dupont Circle. Residents are proud to have
such a high profile "flame" in their area.
7:00 Torch runner attempts to hand off more...
By accident Hillary Clinton and Bob Dole met.
"If I were your wive", Hilary said, "I'd put poison in your coffee".
"And if I were your husband", replied Bob, "I'd gladly drink it."
Dear Bill: As a fellow Southern Baptist, I can sympathize with your predicament. Although when I was president I merely lusted in my heart, I have to admit that had I served another term, my lust might have broken free and moved down my body. God bless you in this time of trial. Jimmy Carter --------------------- Dear Bill: OK, so I'll never be president, but at least Donna Rice was a babe! Gary Hart ---------------------- My Dear Chap: This is a bit of a sticky wicket, but if I were you, I should ask that charming Jay Leno fellow to see you through. Pop onto his show, admit that you made an ass of yourself and all will be forgiven. Hugh Grant ---------------------- Bill: They entrapped me, they framed me, they caught me in a motel with drugs and a prostitute, but I bounced back and so can you! Bitch done set us up! Mayor Marion Berry ---------------------- Dear Bill: Look at the bright side. At least you weren't caught wearing Monica's thong underwear. By the way, did you catch my more...
Bill Clinton has just had a major new policy decision that he thinks is going to "save" America. He decides to talk it over with Senator Dole.
Dole says, "Well Bill, the Republicans aren't to sure about this. Why do you go back to the White House and write a 20,000 word essay on your ideas, aims, etc. If you give it to me by 8 A.M. tomorrow, we'll think about it."
So, Bill goes back and does probably that hardest night's work ever. He really puts his heart and soul into the paper and proudly hands it over to Bob the next morning.
Bill was told to come back the next day when the republicans would pass judgement. The next day, Bill again trudges in and Bob says, "Well Mr President, we were impressed with the paper, but there were a couple of spelling mistakes. Here's the deal. I'm giving you a pair of dice, and if you role 1 to 11, we won't pass it."
"But what if I get a 12?" Bill asks. And Bob replies, "You get to roll more...
Once upon a time, long, long ago, there was a Presidential election that was too close to call. Neither the Republican presidential candidate nor the Democratic presidential candidate had enough votes to win the election. Therefore, it was decided that there should be an ice fishing contest between the two candidates to determine the final win ner.
There was much talk about ballot recounting, court challenges, etc., but a week-long ice fishing competition seemed the (manly) way to settle things. The candidate who catches the most fish at the end of the week wins. After a lot of back and forth discussion, it was decided that the contest would take place on a remote, cold, icey lake in Wisconsin. There were to be no observers present and both men were to be sent out separately on this remote lake and return daily with their catch for counting and verification.
At the end of the first day, Kerry. returns to the headquarters and he has 10 fish. Soon, Bush, who has answers to more...