District Jokes / Recent Jokes

Well anyway, the other day this guy walked into the District, and he said he was going to sue the district, so I asked him, why are you suing the district, so he tells me, well I brought my dog here because supposedly this is the best district in which to train, and I payed them $10, 000 USC, and they told me after they are done with my dog, he will the best trained dog I will ever have.
But the reason I am suing is because all the darn dog wants to do is go and sit at Dunkin Donuts.

The following is supposedly a true story. To be included, besides being true, the story is most likely strange, weird, surprising, or funny.Bellevue, WAThere's a story circulating through the Bellevue School District about the woman who called wanting information on home schooling.Both Lake Washington (Renton, WA) and Bellevue districts are noted for their support of home schoolers, and the Bellevue spokesperson was explaining procedures and what to do to the mother on the telephone.Among other things, the mother needed to file a declaration of intent, a kind of home school registration. The spokeswoman offered to send out the proper form.The mother gave a Renton address.The spokeswoman suggested registering the children in her home district in Renton, the Lake Washington School District."No way," said the mother. "Everyone knows Bellevue schools are much better than Renton schools."

A district minister arrived one Sunday morning in a small rural town. The local minister asked the district minister to help with a local problem.
"Everyone here thinks they are just perfect!" said the local minister. "Could you preach a sermon that will bring them back to their senses?
The district minister was a gifted speaker, eloquent with words and knowledgeable about the Scripture. He spoke for nearly an hour, convincing everyone that they too were sinners. Finally, the district minister was sure he had set everyone straight.
To reaffirm that they were all thinking alike, the district minister finally asked, "Is there anyone here who thinks they are perfect?"
Everyone was looking at the floor, thinking quietly. Slowly, one man in the back stood up.
The district minister asked the man, "And why do you stand, sir?"
The man said, "I am not perfect, but I am standing in memory of my wife's first husband who was."

One day at a trial, an eminent psychologist was called to testify. A severe, no-nonsense professional, she sat down in the witness chair, unaware that its rear legs were set precariously on the back of the raised platform. "Will you state your name?" asked the district attorney. Tilting back in her chair she opened her mouth to answer, but instead catapulted head-over-heels backward and landed in a stack of exhibits and recording equipment. Everyone watched in stunned silence as she extricated herself, rearranged her disheveled dress and hair and was reseated on the witness stand. The glare she directed at onlookers dared anyone to so much as smirk. "Well, doctor," continued the district attorney without changing expression, "we could start with an easier question".

One day at a trial, an eminent psychologist was called to testify. A severe, no-nonsense professional, she sat down in the witness chair, unaware that its rear legs were set precariously on the back of the raised platform.
“Will you state your name? ” asked the district attorney. Tilting back in her chair she opened her mouth to answer, but instead catapulted head-over-heels backward and landed in a stack of exhibits and recording equipment.
Everyone watched in stunned silence as she extricated herself, rearranged her disheveled dress and hair and was reseated on the witness stand. The glare she directed at onlookers dared anyone to so much as smirk.
“Well, doctor, ” continued the district attorney without changing expression, “we could start with an easier question”.

A Colorado Springs, Colo., school district says it did the right thing when it suspended 6-year-old Seamus Morris under the school's zero-tolerance drug policy. The drug? Lemon drops. Taylor Elementary School administrators called an ambulance after a teacher saw the boy give another student some candy, which was a brand teachers didn't recognize.' It was not something you would purchase in a grocery store,' a district spokesman said.' It was from a health-food store.' A spokesman for St. Claire's Lemon Tarts, however, noted that the candy is indeed sold in Colorado's largest grocery store chain. School officials were not impressed, and not only upheld the half-day suspension, but told the boy's mother that a child who brings candy to school is comparable to a teen who takes a gun to school. (UPI)

One day at a trial, an eminent psychologist was called to testify. A severe, no-nonsense professional, she sat down in the witness chair, unaware that its rear legs were set precariously on the back of the raised platform.

"Will you state your name?" asked the district attorney. Tilting back in her chair she opened her mouth to answer, but instead catapulted head-over-heels backward and landed in a stack of exhibits and recording equipment.

Everyone watched in stunned silence as she extricated herself, rearranged her disheveled dress and hair and was reseated on the witness stand. The glare she directed at onlookers dared anyone to so much as smirk.

"Well, doctor," continued the district attorney without changing expression, "we could start with an easier question".