Diary Jokes / Recent Jokes

After dinner and a movie, Carl drove his date to a quiet country road and made his move. When Mary responded enthusiastically to his kissing, he tried sliding his hand up her blouse. Suddenly she jerked away, got out of the car and walked home. That night she wrote in her diary, "A girl's best friends are her own two legs."
On their next date, Carl returned to the country road. As they were necking, he slid his hand up Mary's skirt. Once again she pulled away, got out of the car and walked home. That night she wrote in her diary, "I repeat, a girl's best friends are her own two legs."
On the third date, the pair returned to the country road. This time Mary didn't get home until very late. That night she wrote, "Dear diary: There comes a time when even the best of friends must part."

After dinner and a movie, Carl drove his date to a quiet country road and made his move. When Mary responded enthusiastically to his kissing, he tried sliding his hand up her blouse. Suddenly, she jerked away, got out of the car is a hurry, and ran home. Later that night, she wrote in her diary, 'A girl's best friends are her own two legs.'
On their next date, Carl returned to the country road. As they were kissing passionately, Carl slid his hand up Mary's skirt. Once again, she pulled away, got out of the car, and hurried home. Later that night, she wrote in her diary, 'I repeat, a girl's best friends are her own two legs.'
On the third date, the pair returned to the country road. This time, Mary didn't get home until very late. That night, she wrote in her diary, 'There comes a time when even the best of friends must part.'

HER DIARY:
Tonight: I thought my husband was acting weird. We had made plans to meet at a bar to have a drink. I was shopping with my friends all day long, so I thought he was upset at the fact that I was a bit late, but he made no comment on it. Conversation wasn't flowing, so I suggested that we go somewhere quiet so we could talk. He agreed, but he didn't
say much. I asked him what was wrong; he said, "Nothing." I asked him if it was my fault that he was upset. He said he wasn't upset, that it had nothing to do with me, and not to worry about it. On the way home, I told him that I loved him. He smiled slightly, and kept driving. I can't explain his behavior. I don't know why he didn't say, "I love you, too." When we got home, I felt as if I had lost him completely, as if he wanted nothing to do with me anymore. He just sat there quietly, and watched TV. He continued to seem distant and absent. Finally, with silence all around us, I decided to go to more...

The Top 11 Entries in Bill Gates's Diary

11> Invited entire tech-support department to play golf.Brought Melissa to complete the foursome.

10> Steve Jobs started work today.The silverware looks great, but he doesn't do windows -- yet.

9> The baby cries constantly.Maybe I'll buy Fisher-Price.

8> Bought my first Macintosh.It's sooooo cute!

7> Good day.Found over 15 bucks' worth of soda cans in the trash bins outside Microsoft headquarters.

6> Bad day.Ellison sent back the heads of two of the three hitmen I hired, along with a note saying he ate the third one whole.

5> Still ahead of Murdoch and Eisner.Yes!

4> Reminder: 35-cent Snapple coupon expires in two days!

3> Memo to self: Next time, when my wife says we need to buy china, she means dishes.

2> Ran into Demi and Bruce.Upped my offer to a billion dollars.

and the Number 1 Entry in Bill Gates's more...

Her Diary
Sunday night I thought he was acting weird. We had made plans to meet at a
bar to have a drink. I was shopping with my friends all day long, so I
thought he was upset at the fact that I was a bit late, but he made no
comment.
Conversation wasn't flowing so I suggested that we go somewhere quiet so we
could talk, he agreed but he kept quiet and absent. I asked him what was
wrong - he said, "Nothing." I asked him if it was my fault that he was
upset. He said it had nothing to do with me and not to worry.
On the way home I told him that I loved him, he simply smiled and kept
driving. I can't explain his behavior; I don't know why he didn't say, "I
love you, too."
When we got home I felt as if I had lost him, as if he wanted nothing to do
with me anymore. He just sat there and watched T. V.; he seemed distant and
absent.
Finally I decided to go to bed. About 10 minutes later he came to more...

Diary EntriesAUG. 12 Moved to our new home in Ohio. It is so beautiful here. Thehills are so majestic. I can hardly wait to see them with snow coveringthem. I love it here. OCT. 14 Ohio is the most beautiful place on Earth. The leaves are turnedall the colors and shades of red and orange. Went for a ride through thebeautiful hills and saw some deer. They are so graceful, certainly theyare the most wonderful animal on Earth. This must be paradise. I love ithere. NOV. 11 Deer season will start soon. I can't imagine anyone wanting tokill such a gorgeous creature. Hope it will snow soon, I love it here. DEC. 2 It snowed last night. Woke up to find everything blanketed inwhite. It looks like a postcard. We went outside and cleaned the snow offthe steps and shoveled the driveway. We had a snowball fight (I won), andwhen the snowplow came by, we had to shovel the driveway again. What abeautiful place. I love Ohio. DEC. 12 More snow last night. I love it. The snowplow did his trickagain to more...

What's this summer's hottest movie? Mission Impossible 3? Get real, not with that gay Tom Cruise fellow in the movie. Superman Returns? Blue tights, red bikini briefs, Kevin Spacey. Gay, gay, gay. Pirates of the Caribbean, Dead Man's Chest? What are you high? What's $784,000,000 gross worldwide when compared to Kim Jong-Il's masterpiece "Diary of a Student Girl". Written by Kim Jong-Il, directed by Kim Jong-Il, and staring as the student girl, Kim Jong-Il.
Critics in Pyongyang are calling it a masterpiece, playing to full houses every single day. Here's what some critics have said:
"Dairy of a Student Girl is great. Shoot me if I'm lying."
"Whoever doesn't see this movie is a traitor to the state. Seriously, if you don't see this movie, we'll kill you."
"I give this movie 4 stars. I would give it more, but our blessed leader has forbidden me to do so. He is as humble as he is talented."
"I would give it two thumbs up, more...