Defence Jokes

If you are currently suffering religious, racial or ethnic persecution or even financial hardships and are considering Australia as your destination, please consider the following:

1. Although Australia is a large continent, only small parts of it is actually worth living in and believe it or not these areas are already full of people.

2. The vast majority of the country is uninhabitable due to the large number of poisonous snakes, spiders and man eating crocodiles.

3. Due to the hole in the Ozone layer, you cannot live in the sun unprotected for more than 15 mins and sunscreen costs exceed 40% of the average Australian wage.

4. Australia is in the process of beefing up their defence forces, F111 fighter bombers, Orion coastal patrol aircraft and F/A 18 aircraft all scour our oceans looking for your ships, while the world renowned and feared Collins class submarines are the invisible death lurking undetectable beneath our more...

Teacher: Give me a sentence with the words defence, defeat and detail in it. Pupil: When a horse jumps over defence, defeat go before detail!

Biology Christmas
THE NIGHT BEFORE DEFENCE
(or A Visit From Citrate)

Twas the night before defence, when all through te lab
Not a gel box was shaking, with stain or with MAb;
The columns were hung in the cold room with care,
In hopes that my protein, I soon could prepare;

The post-docs were nestled all smug in their beds,
While extracts of barley muddled their heads;
With the tech in the suburbs and PI the same,
I had just settled down to another video game.

When out of the fridge there arose such a clatter
I sprang from the terminal to see what was the matter.
Away to the cold box, I flew like a flash
But the stench was o'erpowering and I threw up beef hash.

The mould on the dampest of walls were cold
Had the softness of kittens only seven weeks old;
When what to my view, a thing I despise
But a half eaten sandwich and four tiny mice;

With a little old more...

Children were called upon in a classroom to make sentences with words chosen by the teacher. The teacher smiled when Jack raised his hand to participate. She gave him the words 'defeat', 'deduct', 'defence' and 'detail'. Jack stood seriously for a while with all eyes focused on him awaiting his reply.
"Defeat of Deduct went over defence before detail!"