Cuckoo Jokes / Recent Jokes

Just after I got married, I decided to have a night with "the boys." I told the misses that I would be home by midnight...promise! Well, the yarns were being spun and the grog was going down easy, and at around 3 a.m. full as a boot, I went home.Just as I got in the door, the cuckoo clock started, and cuckooed 3 times. Quickly I realized she'd probably wake up, so I cuckooed another 9 times. I was really proud of myself, having the quick wittedness, even when smashed, to escape a possible conflict.The next morning the misses asked me what time I got in and I told her 12 o'clock. Whew! Got away with that one! She then told me that we needed a new cuckoo clock. When I asked her why she said "Well, it cuckooed 3 times, said 'shit,' cuckooed another 4 times, farted, cuckooed another 3 times, cleared its throat, and cuckooed twice then giggled."

Just after I got married, I was invited out for a night with "the boys." I told the missus that I would be home by midnight... promise!
Well, the yarns were being spun and the grog was going down easy, and at around 3 a.m. full as a boot, I went home.
Just as I got in the door, the cuckoo clock started, and cuckooed 3 times. Quickly I realized she'd probably wake up, so I cuckooed another 9 times. I was really proud of myself, having the quick wittedness even when smashed - to escape a possible conflict.
Next morning the missus asked me what time I got in and I told her 12 o'clock. Whew! Got away with that one!
She then told me that we needed a new cuckoo clock.
When I asked her why she said: "Well, it cuckooed 3 times, said ' @$#%,' cuckooed another 4 times, farted, cuckooed another 3 times, cleared its throat; cuckooed two more times, and giggled."

Just after I got married, I was invited out for a night with the boys. I told the missus that I would be home by midnight... I promise!
Well, the yarns were being spun and the grog was going down easy and at around 3 am, full as a boot, I went home.
Just as I got in the door, the cuckoo clock started and cuckooed three times.
Quickly I realized she'd probably wake up, so I cuckooed another nine times and was really proud of myself for having the quick-wittedness, even when pissed, to escape a possible conflict.
Next morning the missus asked me what time I got in and I told her midnight.
Whew, got away with that one! She then told me that we needed a new cuckoo clock.
When I asked her why, she said,
'Well, at 3 am this morning, it cuckooed three times, paused, said bollocks, Cuckooed another four times, farted, cuckooed another three times, paused, cleared its throat and cuckooed twice, then giggled for over three minutes.'
'I think it's stuffed, don't more...

Just after Santa got married, he was invited out for a night with the friends.
So Santa told his wife, Jeeto that he would be home by midnight.
Well, the hours passed and the beer was going down way too easy, so at around 2.30 AM Santa was drunk as a skunk, and headed for home.
After about half an hour just as Santa got in the door, the cuckoo clock in the hall started up, and cuckooed 3 times. Quickly he realized she'd probably wake up, so he cuckooed another 9 times. Santa was really proud of himself, having a quick witty solution, even when smashed.
Next morning his wife, Jeeto asked him what time he got in and he told her 12 o'clock.
She didn't seem disturbed at all. Whew! Got away with that one! She then told him that they needed a new cuckoo clock.
When Santa asked her why, Jeeto said, "Well, it cuckooed 3 times, said 'oh crap,' cuckooed 4 more times, cleared it's throat, cuckooed another 3 times, giggled, cuckooed twice more and then farted."

Three salesmen were bragging who is the best.
The first said, that he is so good he sold a color television to a blind man.
The second bragged he sold a HI-FI stereo system to a deaf man.
The third said he sold a Cuckoo clock to Banta.
The other two said, so what?
The third salesman added, "Along with the Cuckoo clock, I also sold him fifty kgs of bird seeds!!!!!"

My American History teacher was giving a lecture about the first three presidents. A lot of people in my class can't remember presidents very well.
"You all are brainwashed," he said.
Of course, there was confusion in the room at this comment.
"Let me demonstrate," he continued, "'I'm Cuckoo for...'"
"Cocoa Puffs!" the class replied.
"You don't know the ninth president of the United States, but you know that you are 'Cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs.'"
Then, this one guy in my class said, "If the presidents were finger-lickin' good, we'd remember 'em."

A blonde named Barbara is appearing on Who Wants To Be A Millionaire...

Regis: "Barbara, you've done very well so far - $500,000 and one lifeline left -- phone a friend. The next question will give you the first ever Million dollars if you get it right. .. but if you get it wrong you will drop back to $32,000 -- are you ready?"

Barbara: "Sure I'll have a go"

Regis: "Which of the following birds does not build it's own nest? Is it........
A - Robin, B - Sparrow, C - Cuckoo, D - Thrush.
"Remember Barbara its worth 1 Million dollars.

Barbara: " I think I know who it........ but I'm not 100%....No, I haven't got a clue. I'd like to phone a friend Regis just to be sure.

Regis: "Yes, who, Barbara, do you want to phone?

Barbara: "I'll phone my friend Carol back home in Brooklyn."

(ringing)

Carol (also a blonde): more...