Crowd Jokes / Recent Jokes

A traveling salesman visits a small town in the Midwest and sees a circus banner reading, "Don't Miss the Amazing Goldstein!"
Curious, he buys a ticket and sits through the usual circus acts: animals, clowns, contortionists, etc. Suddenly, trumpets blare and all eyes turn to the center ring. There in the middle of the ring is a table with three walnuts on it. In comes a little old Jewish man, five feet tall and barely able to walk to the table. He unzips his pants, whips out his long shlong, and proceeds to smash all three walnuts with three mighty swings! The crowd erupts in thunderous applause as the elderly Goldstein is carried off on the shoulders of the clowns.
Twenty years later the salesman visits the same little town and he sees a faded sign for the same circus and the same "Don't Miss the Amazing Goldstein."
He can't believe the old guy is still alive much less still doing his act! So he buys a ticket and sits through various acts. Finally, the more...

- At a convention of blones, a speaker insisted that "dumb blonde" myth is all wrong. To prove it he asked one cute young volunteer, "How much is 101 plus 20?"
The blonde answered, "120."
"No," he said, "that's not right."
The audience called out, "Give her another chance."
So the speaker asked the blonde, "How much is 10 plus 13?"
Slowly the blonde replied, "16."
"Sorry," he said, shaking his head.
Once again the crowd roared, "Give her another chance."
"This is your last try," warned the speaker.
"How much is 2 plus 2?"
Carefully she ventured, "Four?"
And the crowd yelled, "Give her another chance!"

An award should go to the United Airlines gate agent in Denver, Colorado, for being smart and funny and making her point when confronted with an angry passenger. During the final days at Denver's old Stapleton airport, a crowded United flight was canceled. A single agent was rebooking a long line of inconvenienced travelers.
Suddenly an angry passenger pushed his way to the desk. He slapped his ticket down on the counter and said, "I HAVE to be on this flight and it has to be FIRST CLASS."
The agent replied, "I'm sorry sir. I'll be happy to try to help you, but I've got to help these folks first, and I'm sure we'll be able to work something out."
The passenger was unimpressed. He asked loudly, so that the passengers behind him could hear, "Do you have any idea who I am?"
Without hesitating, the gate agent smiled and grabbed her public address microphone. "May I have your attention please?" she began, her voice bellowing more...

A couple had a baby, but it was deformed, it was just a head. They judiciously took care of the head, and when it turned 21, they took it into a bar for its first drink.
They put the head up on the counter and the bartender poured a drink - smoke started to burst from the head - and then - out popped a body (it was a boy!) - the couple was so excited that they bought a round for the whole crowd in the bar - then their child took another sip - smoke again appeared - and out popped to arms - with another sip and out popped two legs - they now had a fully intact child! They were so happy that they bought another round of drinks for the crowd - and then their child took another sip and in a huge puff of smoke, he was gone - disappeared...
The couple was very upset - and the bartender uttered: well, he should have quit, while he was ahead...

Santa: Every One Tells Sardarjis Are The Greatest Fools. Banta: Now I Will Fool Other People. So Banta Took A Paper And Folded It And Saw Through It And Started Shouting Banta: Oh'my God Look I Can Watch Other Planets Through This Telescope. A Big Crowd Gathered Around Banta. Banta: Look Santa I Made So Many People Fooled. When Banta&Santa Turned They Found That The Crowd Was Full Of Sardarjis.

A football player passes a burning building, and sees a young woman and her baby hanging out the window. The football player stops and yells to the woman, "Throw down your baby and I'll catch it!"
The woman responds, "I can't throw my baby to you, I don't know you!"
"It's okay", shouts the football player, "I'm in the NFL, I can catch anything!"
The woman yells out "OK!" and drops the baby from the top floor. Just as it reaches about 50 ft. from the ground, a gust of wind grabs the baby and sends it flying. The football player chases after it, desperately stretching, trying to catch the baby.
By this time quite a crowd has gathered. The baby is falling towards the ground. Can he make it? The football player dives, and makes the catch!
The crowd goes wild!!!
The football player gets up, yells "All Right!!!", starts dancing... and spikes the "ball"!

Jesus was walking along one day, when He came upon a group of people surrounding a lady of ill repute. It was obvious that the crowd was preparing to stone her, so Jesus made His now-famous statement, "Let the person who has no sin cast the first stone." The crowd was shamed and one by one began to turn away. All of a sudden, a lovely little woman made her way through the crowd. Finally getting to the front, she tossed a pebble towards the woman. Jesus looks over and says, "I really hate it when you do that, Mom."