Count Jokes / Recent Jokes
The United States won the medal count at the Winter Olympics for the first time since 1932. When the economy goes downhill quickly, so do we.
One hundred dollars to any man who can make love to ONE OF OUR GIRLS TEN TIMES IN SUCCESSION read the sign on a wall in the hall of the brothel. A sailor who had just returned from ten months at sea decided to accept the challenge. Picking himself a particularly appetizing, pleasantly plump brunette as a partner, he started strong, but began to falter after the seventh performance. When the somewhat sated gob asked the girl what the count was, she said, "That's five times, sailor." Realizing that the girl was lying to keep him from winning the wager, he became furious and refused to continue until he was given an honest count.
At that point the house madam entered to investigate the shouts of outrage, and she managed to soothe the sailor by agreeing that he must be satisfied with the scoring.
"There's only one fair way to settle this, deary," she said. "We'll simply start the count over from the beginning."
A 75-year old man went to his doctor's office to get a sperm count. The doctor
gave the man a jar and said, "Take this jar home and bring me back a sample
tomorrow."
The next day, the 75-year old man reappears at the doctor's office and gives him
the jar, which is as clean and empty as on the previous day. The doctor asks
what happened, and the man explains, "Well, doc, it's like this. First I tried
with my right hand, but nothing. Then I tried with my left hand, but nothing.
Then I asked my wife for help. She tried with her right hand, but nothing. Then
her left, but nothing. She even tried with her mouth, first with the teeth in,
then with the teeth out, and still nothing. Hell, we even called up the lady
next door, and she tried with both hands and her mouth too, but nothing."
The doctor was shocked, "You asked your neighbor?"
The old man replied, "Yep, but no matter what we tried, we couldn't get more...
This quiz is dedicated to all of those people who find themselves constantly roaming the net. Do you leave yourself logged in twenty-four hours a day, even when you’re not home? Is your wpm typing speed higher than your IQ? Are you having trouble seeing things at distances greater than 2 feet? Yes, YOU. You know who you are.
Ok… shall we begin? Yes? 5 points… (you could’ve backed out.)
Unless otherwise stated, point values are as follows: 2 for (a), 4 for (b), 6 for (c), and 10 for (d).
1) How many valid net addresses do you have?
Multiple machines at the same site do not count.
____Internet ____UUCP ____Other public access ____Other
____Bitnet ____Freenet ____Internet BBS ____All seven
(2 points each)
2) How many hours did it take for you to create your. sig?
a) Huh?
b) More than one
c) More than five
d) I’m still looking for a really funky quote
3) On an average working day, how many email more...
FLORIDA: If you think we can't vote, wait till you see us drive.FLORIDA: Home of electile dysfunction.FLORIDA: We count more than you do.FLORIDA: If you don't like the way we count then take I-95 and visit one of the other 56 states.FLORIDA: We've been Gored by the bull of politics and we're Bushed.FLORIDA: Relax, Retire, Re-vote.FLORIDA: Viagra voters do it again! FLORIDA: What comes after 17,311? FLORIDA: Where your vote counts and counts and counts.FLORIDA: This is what you get for taking Elian away from us.FLORIDA: We don't just cheat in football.FLORIDA: We're number one! Wait! Recount! FLORIDA: So nice, we let you vote twice.FLORIDA: We put the "duh" in Florida.FLORIDA: This isn't good when Alabama counts faster than us! FLORIDA: Once is never enough! FLORIDA: We would do a recount but we've run out of fingers and toes! FLORIDA: Don't blame me, I voted for Gore, I think.FLORIDA: Don't blame me, my vote didn't count.FLORIDA: We're retired -no wait- we're retarded! more...
FLORIDA: Relax, Retire, ReVote.
FLORIDA: We count more than you do.
FLORIDA: We've been Gored by the bull of politics and we're Bushed.
FLORIDA: Where your vote counts and counts and counts.
FLORIDA: We're number one! Wait! Recount!
FLORIDA: If you don't like the way we count then take I-95 and visit one of the other 56 states.
FLORIDA: Home of electile dysfunction.
FLORIDA: Viagra voters do it again!
FLORIDA: What comes after 17,311?