Cosmetics Jokes

After being away on business, Clarence McDougal thought it would be nice to bring his wife a little gift. "How about some perfume?" he asked the cosmetics clerk.
She showed him a bottle costing $50. 00. "That is a bit much," said Clarence.
So the clerk returned with a smaller bottle for $30. 00. "That's still quite a bit," Clarence groused.
Growing annoyed, the cosmetics clerk brought out a tiny $15. 00 bottle. "What I mean," said Clarence, "is I would like to see something really cheap."
So the clerk handed him a mirror.

A husband bought his wife a new line of expensive cosmetics that were guaranteed to make her look years younger.
After sitting in front of the mirror for a lengthy time, applying the miracle products, she asked, "Tell me honestly, darling, what age would you say I am?"
He looked her over carefully and replied, "Let's see. Judging from you skin, twenty; your hair, eighteen; and your figure, twenty-five."
"Oh, you're such a flatterer," she gushed.
"Hey, hold on a second," he interrupted, "I haven't added them up yet."

OUESTION: What is cosmetics? ANSWER: Cosmetics is a woman's means for keeping a man from reading between the lines.

Cosmetics: A woman's means for keeping a man from reading between the lines.

The following are actual products in Japan that have awful English mistranslations: "Discover Japanese People Alive in their Festivals!" (Japan Travel Bureau travel guide) Cookie Face (cosmetics) Salad Girl (more cosmetics) Skin clock for those wishing to become a dog (calendar) Naive Lady (toilet paper) The Goo (soup) Pork with fresh garbage (cabbage) Specialist in Deceased Children (diseased) Finest Moldy Cheese Liver Putty (Japanese SPAM) My Fanny Toilet Paper My Pee Diapers Nail Remover (nail polish remover) Pocari Sweat (beverage)