Cord Jokes / Recent Jokes

Ridge Hall computer assistant; may I help you?""Yes, well, Im having trouble with WordPerfect.""What sort of trouble?""Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away.""Went away?""They disappeared.""Hmm. So what does your screen look like now?""Nothing.""Nothing?""Its blank; it wont accept anything when I type.""Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out?""How do I tell?""Can you see the C: prompt on the screen?""Whats a sea-prompt?""Never mind. Can you move the cursor around on the screen?""There isnt any cursor, I told you, it wont accept anything I type.""Does your monitor have a power indicator?""Whats a monitor?""Its the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV. Does it have a little light that tells you when its on?""I dont know.""Well then, more...

This is a true story from the WordPerfect helpline. Needless to say the helpdesk employee was fired; however, he/she is currently suing the WordPerfect organization for "Termination without Cause". Actual dialogue of a former Wordperfect Customer Support employee:

"Ridge Hall computer assistant; may I help you?"

"Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect."

"What sort of trouble?"

"Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away"

"Went away?"

"They disappeared."

"Hmm. So what does your screen look like now?"

"Nothing."

"Nothing?"

"It's blank; it won't accept anything when I type."

"Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out?"

"How do I tell?"

"Can you see the C: prompt on the more...

Two guys are bungee-jumping one day.
The first guy says to the second. "You know, we could make a lot of money running our own bungee-jumping service in Mexico."
The second guy thinks this is a great idea, so the two pool their money and buy everything they'll need - a tower, an elastic cord, insurance, etc.
They travel to Mexico and begin to set up on the square. As they are constructing the tower, a crowd begins to assemble. Slowly, more and more people gather to watch them at work.
The first guy jumps. He bounces at the end of the cord, but when he comes back up, the second guy notices that he has a few cuts and scratches. Unfortunately, the second guy isn't able catch him, he falls again, bounces and comes back up again. This time, he is bruised and bleeding. Again, the second guy misses him.
The first guy falls again and bounces back up. This time, he comes back pretty messed up - he's got a couple of broken bones and is almost more...

In a military training camp some recruits get educated in parachuting. After
some weeks of training on the ground they have to do their first jump.
Before the jump the instructor recalls, "You leave the air plane, count till
three and pull the cord. The parachute should open then. If it does not, pull
the emergency cord. Then the emergency parachute will open. On the ground there
is a lorry waiting. We will meet on the lorry again. Good luck!"
The first recruit jumps, counts till three and pulls the cord. Nothing happens.
He pulls the emergency cord. Nothing happens. The recruit is not surprised and
says, "As far as I know the army, I bet the lorry will not be there, either."

In a military training camp some recruits get educated in parachuting. After some weeks of training on the ground they have to do their first jump.
Before the jump the instructor recalls, "You leave the air plane, count till three and pull the cord. The parachute should open then. If it does not, pull the emergency cord. Then the emergency parachute will open. On the ground there is a lorry waiting. We will meet on the lorry again. Good luck!"
The first recruit jumps, counts till three and pulls the cord. Nothing happens. He pulls the emergency cord. Nothing happens. The recruit is not surprised and says, "As far as I know the army, I bet the lorry will not be there, either."

Actual dialog of a former Wordperfect Customer Support employee:
"Wordperfect Customer Support; may I help you?"
"Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect."
"What sort of trouble?"
"Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away."
"Went away?"
"They disappeared."
"Hmm. So what does your screen look like now?"
"Nothing."
"Nothing?"
"It's blank; it won't accept anything when I type."
"Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out?"
"How do I tell?"
"Can you see the C: prompt on the screen?"
"What's a sea-prompt?"
"Never mind. Can you move the cursor around on the screen?"
"There isn't any cursor: I told you, it won't accept anything I type."
"Does your monitor have a power indicator?"
"What's a more...

The preacher was wired for sound with a lapel mike, and as he preached, he moved briskly about the platform, jerking the mike cord as he went. Then he moved to one side, getting wound up in the cord and nearly tripping before jerking it again.

After several circles and jerks, a little girl in the third pew leaned toward her mother and whispered, "If he gets loose, will he hurt us?"