Cord Jokes / Recent Jokes

Santa was asked to try out a new parachute with a radio link to a guy on the ground, the guy on the ground would say when to pull the release cord for the parachute.
Santa jumped out of the plane and started to fall when he reached a thousand feet the guy on the ground said ok pull the release cord now, Santa didn't take any notice and kept falling.
He got down to 500 feet and the guy on the ground said quick pull the cord you are getting close, but Santa just ignored him and kept falling.
He got down to 100 feet and the guy on the ground said quick pull the cord, Santa still ignored him.
He got down to 10 feet, the guy on the ground said this is your last chance you'll be killed if you don't pull the cord now.
Santa replied, "Thats ok. I can jump from here!!"

A redneck wanted to learn how to sky dive. He got an instructor and started lessons. The instructor told the redneck to jump out of the plane and pull his rip cord. The instructor then explained that he himself would jump out right behind him so that they would go down together. The redneck understood and was ready.
The time came to have the redneck jump from the air plane. The instructor reminded the redneck that he would be right behind him. The redneck proceeded to jump from the plane and after being in the air for a few seconds pulled the rip cord. The instructor followed by jumping from the plane. The instructor pulled his rip cord but the parachute did not open. The instructor, frantically trying to get his parachute open, darted past the redneck.
The redneck, seeing this, yelled as he undid the straps to his parachute, "So you wanna race, eh?"

Two friends, a blonde and a brunette, are parachuting.
The blonde pulls her cord and the chute works perfectly. The brunette pulls her cord and nothing happens. She continues falling straight down.
As the brunette passes her friend, the blonde gets angry, unbuckles her harness and yells, "Oh, so you wanna race, huh?"

Sven and Ole decided to go parachuting. Sven jumps first, pulls his parachute cord, slowly drifts in the air, and enjoys the view.
Ole jumps after him, pulls his parachute cord but nothing happens. He pulls it again, this time as hard as he can, still nothing. He pulls the cord to the emergency chute, but that doesn't open either.
He passes by Sven like a speeding bullet.
Sven looks at him, and while unbuckling his parachute off his shoulders, says "Sooo, you want to race, do you???"

A blonde and a brunette are sky-diving. The brunette jumps out the plane and pulls the cord - nothing happens. She pulls the emergency cord and still nothing. The blonde jumps out of the plane and yells "Oh! So you wanna race, huh?"

Two guys went to Mexico to open up their own bungee jumping service. When they finally had everything set up in a plaza, a large crowd assembled around them so they decided it would be a good idea to give them a demonstration.
The first guy jumped and bounced at the end of the cord, but when he came back up his partner noticed that he had some cuts and scratches.
Unfortunately, his partner was unable to catch him, so he fell again, bounced and came back up. This time, he not only had some cuts and scratches, but he was bruised and bleeding as well.
Again his partner missed him, so he fell yet again and bounced back up and this time, he was really a mess. On top of everything else, he now had a few broken bones and was almost unconscious.
Finally, his partner caught him and asked, "What happened? Was the cord too long?"
Faintly, the first guy replied, "No, the cord was fine, but what the hell is a pi

A Polak wanted to learn how to sky dive. He got an instructor and
started lessons. The instructor told the Polak to jump out of the
plane and pull his rip cord. The instructor then explained that he
himself would jump out right behind him so that they would go down
together. The Polak understood and was ready.
The time came to have the Polak jump from the air plane. The
instructor reminded the Polak that he would be right behind him. The
Polak proceeded to jump from the plane and after being in the air
for a few seconds pulled the rip cord. The instructor followed by
jumping from the plane. The instructor pulled his rip cord but the
parachute did not open. The instructor, frantically trying to get
his parachute open, darted past the Polak.
The Polak seeing this yelled, as he undid the straps to his
parachute, "So you wanna race, eh?"