Consciousness Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    BRAIN - SYSTEM: Attention. Alert registered.
    CENTRAL: Alert? Number One, report!
    NUMBER ONE: Sir! We're picking up loud music.
    CENTRAL: Music? We were just asleep!
    NUMBER ONE: Yes sir. Ears report it's "The Last Train to Clarksville."
    CENTRAL: Good lord, are we being tortured?
    NUMBER ONE: Sir, Eyes are functional and request instruction.
    CENTRAL: Tell them to open up and try to find out what is going on.
    NUMBER ONE: Scope! Okay, I see darkness... darkness... Wait, there's a
    woman sleeping there.
    CENTRAL: A woman?
    NUMBER ONE: Sir, Libido Station wants to know if it is Anna Kournikova.
    CENTRAL: Forget about Libido. What can you tell me?
    NUMBER ONE: Sir, Memory reports a near perfect match to "wife," sir.
    CENTRAL: Well of course. Keep looking.
    NUMBER ONE: Sir, urgent report from Stomach on the horn, do you want to take it?
    CENTRAL: Stomach, what's going on?
    STOMACH: Sir, we've taken a more...

    Consciousness: that annoying time between naps.

    Consciousness: that annoying time between naps.

    Cop-out number 1. You should have seen it when I got it.

    Create a need and fill it.

    Creativity is great, but plagiarism is faster.

    Creativity is no substitute for knowing what you`re doing.

    Creditors have better memories than debtors.

    Crime wouldn`t pay if the government ran it.

    Dare to be average.

    Defeat is worse than death because you have to live with defeat.

    Definition of an elephant: A mouse built to government specifications.

    Whoever said "only the good die young" was probably in Chuck Norris's kindergarten class.
    Chuck Norris once skewered a man with the Eiffel tower.
    The best part of waking up, is not Folgers in your cup, but knowing that Chuck Norris didn't kill you in your sleep.
    Chuck Norris doesn't own a can opener, he just chews through the can.
    Occam's Razor says that the simplest answer tends to be the correct one. Norris' Razor involves a flick of the wrist and a Columbian Necktie.
    Chuck Norris needs a monkeywrench and a blowtorch to masturbate.
    Proponents of higher-order theories of consciousness argue that consciousness is explained by the relation between two levels of mental states in which a higher-order mental state takes another mental state. If you mention this to Chuck Norris, expect an explosive roundhouse kick to the face for spouting too much fancy-talk.
    Chuck Norris invented all 32 letters of the alphabet.
    Remember The Ultimate Warrior? He more...

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