Cone Jokes / Recent Jokes

Martha's way #1: Stuff a miniature marshmallow in the bottom of a sugar cone to prevent ice cream drips.

My way: Just suck the ice cream out of the bottom of the cone.
Martha's way #2: Use a meat baster to "squeeze" your pancake batter onto the hot griddle and you'll get perfectly shaped pancakes every time.

My way: Buy the precooked kind you nuke in the microwave for 30 seconds.
Martha's way #3: To keep potatoes from budding, place an apple in the bag with the potatoes.

My way: Buy a mashed potato mix and keep it in the pantry for up to a year.
Martha's way #4: To prevent eggshells from cracking, add a pinch of salt to the water before hard-boiling.

My way: Who cares if they crack, aren't you going to take the shells off anyway?
Martha's way #5: To easily remove burnt-on food from your skillet, simply add a drop or two of dish soap and enough water to cover bottom of pan, and bring to a boil on more...

A teacher asks her class, "If there are five birds sitting on a fence and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?" She calls on little Johnny.

"None, they all fly away with the first gunshot."

The teacher replies, "The correct answer is four, but I like your thinking." Then Little Johnny says, "I have a question for YOU. There are three women sitting on a bench having ice cream. One is delicately licking the sides of the triple scoop of ice cream. The second is gobbling down the top and sucking the cone. The third is biting off the top of the ice cream. Which one is married?"

The teacher, blushing a great deal, replies, "Well I suppose the one that's gobbled down the top and sucked the cone."

"The correct answer is the one with the wedding ring on... but I like your thinking."

A little boy is in school working on his arithmetic. The teacher says, "Imagine there are 5 black birds sitting on a fence. You pick up your BB gun and shoot one. How many blackbirds are left?"

The little boy thinks for a moment and says, "NONE!" The teacher replies, "None, how do you figure that?" The little boy says, if I shoot one, all the other birds will fly away scared, leaving none on the fence." The teacher replies, "Hmm, not exactly, but I do like the way you think!"

The little boy then says, "Teacher, let me ask you a question.

There are 3 women sitting on a park bench eating ice cream cones. One is licking her cone, another is biting it and the third one is sucking it. How can you tell which one of the women is married?"

The teacher ponders the question uncomfortably and then finally replies, "Well, I guess the one sucking her cone."

To which the little more...

Jimmy is in math class when the teacher asks him a question:
"Jimmy, if there are 5 birds on a fence and you shoot one with your gun, how many are left?"
"None," replies Jimmy, "because the others would be scared by the noise."
"Well, no, the correct answer is 4, but I like the way you're thinking!"
"I've got a question for you, teacher," says Jimmy.
"If there are 3 women sitting in a shop eating ice cream cones, and one is licking her cone, one is biting her cone, and one is sucking her cone, which one is married?" The teacher gets a little nervous and finally answers, "I say the one sucking her cone."
"Well, no, the correct answer is the one with the wedding ring on her finger, but I like the way you're thinking!"

A teacher asks her class, " If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?" She calls on little Johnny. He replies, "None, they all fly away with the first gun shot" The teacher replies, "The correct answer is 4, but I like your thinking." Then, Little Johnny says "I have a question for YOU. There are three women sitting on a bench having ice cream:
One is delicately licking the sides of the triple scoop of ice cream. The second is gobbling down the top and sucking the cone. The third is biting off the top of the ice cream. Which one is married?" The teacher, blushing a great deal, replied " Well I suppose the one that's gobbled down the top and sucked the cone" To which Little Johnny replied, " The correct answer is the one with the wedding ring on, but I like your thinking.

This elderly couple is sitting on a park bench if from of a large pond. Across the other side of the pond are vendors sell all types of food stuff. The wife turns to hubby and say, "I could really go for an ice cream cone." Hubby replies, "Well, I'll go get you one." Wife says, "But, you'll forget, you better write it down." Hubby replies, "No I won't; what do you want?" Wife says, "Get me a Strawberry cone with chocolate sprinkles." Hubby replies, "Okay, strawberry cone with chocolate sprinkles. See, I'll remember. Several hours pass and, finally, the hubby returns. The wife asks him, "What took you so long, did you get lost." The hubby replies, "No, and I got what you wanted." The wife opens the bag to discover a cheeseburger and fries?! Wife says, "I knew you you should have written the order down." Hubby says, "What do you mean - every thing is there?" To which the wife replies, more...

A penguin is driving down the road when his car starts to give him all kinds of trouble... the engine sputters, steam pours out of his hood and there's fluids pouring out on the road. He pulls into a garage and the mechanic tells him it'll be at least a half-hour until he can even tell him what the problem is.
The penguin walks around, has a cup of coffee and then comes across an ice cream shop, where he orders a double vanilla cone, getting it all over his face. He goes back to the garage and asks the mechanic if he's found the problem.
The mechanic looks up and tells him "Looks like you've blown a seal."
The penguin sez "No! Really, I just had an ice cream cone!"