Competition Jokes / Recent Jokes

I was in a good mood last week. I entered a competition and won a years supply of marmite... one jar!

Competition brings out the best in products and the worst in people.

Russian Sergey Savelyev screamed at 116.8 decibels - roughly as loud as an ambulance siren - to win the individual competition. The team competition was won by the cast of The View.

This joke is about Native Americans; no offense intended, hope none is taken. Native American Indian legend has it that many years ago, before the domination of the White Man, there existed a tribe that lived in the foothills of the Rocky Mountains. And in this tribe, the Chief had decided that the time had come for his only daughter, the beautiful Wild Honey, to marry.
Now in this tribe, selection of a mate for the daughter of a chief involved a kind of round-robin competition among the eligible braves to determine who was the bravest, the strongest, the best hunter and provider. From the preliminary rounds, two great contenders emerged - the fast and powerful Running Water, and the bold and handsome Falling Rocks.
The final event of the competition would decide the winner. Each brave was given exactly seven days to prepare the traditional BTFTLOOTGO - "bridal tepee for the Little One of the Great One." The winner would be the brave who built the better tepee and more...

Competition
Shlomo, driving a Yugo in Tel Aviv, pulls up at a stoplight next to a Rolls-Royce, rolls down his window, and smiles at the driver of the Rolls, "Hey, buddy, that`s a nice car. Have you got a phone in it? I`ve got one in my Yugo!"
David, the driver of Rolls looks over and says simply, "Yes, I have a phone."
"Cool!" continues Shlomo. "Have you got a fridge in there, too? I got a fridge in the back seat of my Yugo!"
David, looking annoyed, says, "Yes, I have a refrigerator."
Shlomo goes on, "That`s great! Listen, have you got a TV in there? I got a one right next to me."
David, looking very annoyed by now, says, "Of course I have a television. A Rolls-Royce is the finest luxury car in the world!"
"Say," persists Shlomo, "Have you got a bed in your car? I got one in the back of my Yugo!"
Upset that he hadn’t, David immediately drove off straight more...

A team of blondes and a team of brunettes were in an ice fishing competition to see which team could catch the most fish.
It wasn't long before it was obvious that the brunettes were going to win. They kept pulling out fish after fish. Worried, the blondes sent one of their team members over to see what the brunettes were doing differently.
A few minutes later, the blonde came rushing back and exclaimed, "A hole! We need to put a hole in the ice!"

Julius Caesar: My last job involved a lot of
office politics and back stabbing. I'd like to get away from all
that.
Jesse James: I can list among my experience and
skills: leadership, extensive travel, logistical organization,
intimate understanding of firearms, and a knowledge of security
measures at numerous banks.
Marie Antoinette: My management style has been
criticized, but I'd like to think of my self as a people person.
Joseph Guillotine: I can give your company a head
start on the competition.
Hamlet: My position was eliminated in a hostile
takeover.
Lucretia Borgia: My greatest accomplishment? After
I took over the department, our competition just seemed to drop out of
sight one by one.
Pandora: I can bring a lot to your company. I like
discovering new things.
Genghis Khan: My primary talent is downsizing. On
my last job I downsized my staff, my organization, and the populations
of several more...