Columnist Jokes

Copied from Ann Landers column who received it from John Wherle, Graffiti Magazine columnist.
Dear John Wehrle: Thanks for sending these on. They cracked me up. Here goes:
A thief stole a van in Chicago without realizing that its owner was sitting on the roof. The owner managed to hang onto the top of the car during a ride on the interstate at speeds of up to 65 mph. When the thief pulled over and got out of the car, the owner jumped on him and held him down until the police arrived.
In Virginia, a bank robber was nabbed because he made the classic mistake of returning to the scene of the crime. He was collared after he tried to deposit some of the loot into the same bank he had held up a month earlier. He was recognized because the same teller waited on him both times.
At a Topeka, Kan., convenience store, a robber who discovered there wasn't very much money in the cash register tied up the clerk and waited on customers for three hours in order to increase his more...

A Washington Post columnist runs a column each summer listing
interesting t-shirts observed at the Ocean City, Maryland beach.
I childproofed my house, but they still get in.
On the front- 60 is not old.
On the back- If you're a tree.
I'm still hot. It just comes in flashes.
At my age, "getting lucky" means finding my car in the parking lot.
My reality check just bounced.
Life is short, make fun of it.
I'm not 50. I'm $49.95 plus tax.
Physically pffffffft!
Buckle up. It makes it harder for the aliens to snatch you from your car.
It's my cat's world. I'm just here to open cans.
Earth is the insane asylum of the universe.
Keep staring....I may do a trick.
Dangerously under-medicated.
My mind works like lightning. One brilliant flash, and it's gone.
Every time I hear the word "exercise", I wash my mouth out with chocolate.
Cats regard people as warm-blooded furnitute.
Live your life so that more...