Coast Jokes / Recent Jokes
1. Britney Spears & Eminem: Who, combined, have written more books than they've read.
2. Dr. Phil Mcgraw: Who has managed to convince millions of women to buy his self-help books, despite the fact that his most hight-profile patient, Oprah Winfrey, is an overweight woman with serious commitment issues.
3. America"s Oil Companies: For a lifetime body of work proving that oil and water don"t mix.
4. Yasser Arafat & Ariel Sharon: For those 2 consecutive days last March when no Israelis or Palestinians killed each other.
5. Bill Gates: For creating the X-Box and convincing Americans that their children need a $200 video game system during a recession.
6. The Editors of Maxim: For managing to create 300 magazine pages a month using no other subjects besides beer and models.
7. Jared: Of the Subway Sandwich fame, whose claim of losing hundreds of pounds and achieving optimum health by eating nothing but oversized, greasy heroes was questioned by no more...
Yes, there is a difference in the way the English language is used on the Eastern and Western parts of the USA. This translation guide is said to have been found in an East Coast office of a major computer manufacturer.
Here's a handy guide for those of you who have to deal with vendors, customers, or other divisions on the left coast.
East Coast West Coast
absolutely not maybe
yes maybe
action item by Feb 12 for joe Joe's working on the problem
bozo subcontractor
brawl design review
ignore him, he's new I'm bringing him up to speed
local bar offsite facility
meet me in the parking lot let's take that discussion offline
oh shit thanks for bringing that to my attention
overdesigned robust
punch his lights out constructive confrontation
shut the fuck up thank you for your input
shut up a minute let me share this with you
that's totally incompetent let me build on that more...
A whole family was caught in a small boat during a sudden storm off the shores of Florida, but towed to safety in Fort Lauderdale by the ever alert U.S. Coast Guard. "I always knew God would take care of us," said the composed five year old daughter of the boat owner after the family got home. "I like to hear you say that," beamed the mother. "Always remember that God is in His heaven watching over us." "Oh, I wasn't talking about THAT God," the five year old interrupted. "I was talking about the COAST God."
This is off a Coast Guard bumper sticker:
Support Search and Rescue: GET LOST!
How about that cruise ship that sunk off the coast of Greece? Talk about a strange coincidence. You have a perfectly good cruise ship that had gone on close to a thousand voyages, and all of a sudden Rosie O’Donnell hopes on board and the sucker goes down.
On Sunday, a nor’easter pounded the east coast and cause of the inclement weather conditions over 400 flights were grounded.
As a result JetBlue flights were canceled as scheduled.
A whole family was caught in a small boat during a sudden storm off the shores of Florida, but towed to safety in Fort Lauderdale by the ever alert U. S. Coast Guard. "I always knew God would take care of us," said the composed five year old daughter of the boat owner after the family got home. "I like to hear you say that," beamed the mother. "Always remember that God is in His heaven watching over us." "Oh, I wasnt talking about THAT God," the five year old interrupted. "I was talking about the COAST God."