Club Jokes / Recent Jokes

Watching from the Club house overlooking the 10th green, we saw a foursome approaching. Having marked their balls, suddenly one of the guys fell down and the three others started a fist fight. The Golf Captain stormed out from the Club house to separate the fighting men. "Why are you fighting?" he asked "You see," said one of them, "my partner had a stroke and died just now, and these buggers want to include it on the scorecard."

Where do religious school children practice sports?
In the prayground!

How did the basketball court get wet?
The players dribbled all over it!

Why did the chicken get sent off?
For persistent fowl play!

Why were the two managers sitting around sketching crockery before the start of the game?
It was a cup draw!

Where do football directors go when they are fed up?
The bored room!

A manager was being interviewed after he had resigned from a football club?

"Were the crowd not behind you" asked the reporter

"They were right behind me all right", said the manager, "But I managed to shake them off at the station!"

Why was the struggling mange seen shaking the club cat?
To see if there was any more money in the kitty!

A husband and wife love to golf together, but neither of them areplaying like they want to, so they decide to take private lessons. The husband has his lesson first. After the pro sees his swing, hesays, "No no, no, you're gripping the club way too hard!""Well, what should I do?" asks the man. "Hold the club gently," the pro replied, "just like you'd hold your wife's breast." The man takes the advice, takes a swing, and POW! He hits the ball250 yds. straight up the fairway. The man goes back to his wifewith the good news, and the wife can't wait for her lesson. The next day the wife goes for her lesson. The pro watches herswing and says, "No, no, no, you're gripping the club way too hard." "What can I do?" asks the wife." Hold the club gently, just like you'd hold your husband's penis." The wife listens carefully to the pro's advice, takes a swing, andTHUMP. The ball goes straight down the fairway.. . about 15 ft. more...

I don't care to belong to any club that will have me as a member. — Groucho Marx

My wife made me join a bridge club. I jump off next Tuesday.

Three businessmen were having dinner at a club. When it came time to pay the check, each grabbed for it.
"It's a business expense," said one.
"I'll pay," said the second. "I'm on cost plus."
"Let me have it, "argued the third. "I'm filing for bankruptcy next week

A woman in an diet club was lamenting that she had gained weight. She'd made her family's favorite cake over the weekend, she reported, and they'd eaten half of it at dinner.
The next day, she said, she kept staring at the other half, until finally she cut a thin slice for herself. One slice led to another, and soon the whole cake was gone. The woman went on to tell us how upset she was with her lack of willpower, and how she knew her husband would be disappointed.
Everyone commiserated, until someone asked what her husband said when he found out.
She smiled, "He never found out. I made another cake and ate half!"