Clipboard Jokes / Recent Jokes

Margaret Thatcher dies and strolls up the pearly staircase to the pearly
gates, where she is confronted by St. Peter, brandishing a clipboard.
"Name" says St. Peter.
"Margaret Thatcher" she replies.
Peter checks through all the lists on his clipboard but cannot find the
name of our illustrious leader.
"I'm sorry" he says,"you can't come in. Your place is downstairs, in hell.
Mrs T. turns and walks down the stairs.
A short time later the phone rings. St. Peter answers it and a voice says:
"Hello Pete, It's the Devil speaking. You'll have to take that bloody woman
after all - she's only been here 10 minutes and she's closed half the
furnaces to reduce capacity"

A man dressed in a suit comes up to the front porch of house juggling a clipboard, some papers, and a briefcase. He knocks on the door and it's answered by a middle-aged man, "Mornin' stranger, what can I do for ya?"
"Well sir, I represent Schneller, Barnum, and Holtz. We're paid by private companies to canvas thousands of consumers like yourself for feedback on their products. Today we're soliciting comments on Vaseline petroleum jelly. Would you have time to answer just a couple of questions?"
"I don't see how a couple of questions could hurt, fire away, young man," says the homeowner.
Looking down at his clipboard, the survey-taker asks, "Okay...first, you do use Vaseline, correct?".
"Yes Sir, for as long as I can remember."
"Great, now what exactly do you use it for?" replies the survey-taker with his pen poised over his clipboard, ready to record the answer.
"Let's see.....we use it for more...

Nelson Mandela is at home watching the box, when there is a knock at his door. He gets up and answers it, there is a Chinese bloke with clipboard, behind him is a lorry full of exhaust pipes.
"You sign, you sign" yells the Chinese geezer. Nelson looks at the truck and tells the Chinese bloke that he has a got the wrong bloke.
Next day Nelson is watching a porno film when there is a knock on his door. It's the same Chinese bloke and behind him is truck full of brake parts.
"You Sign, You Sign" screams the Chinese bloke and pushes the clipboard under Nelson's nose.
"Look you Twat" snarls Nelson "You've got the wrong bloke. I don't want brake parts, you've got the wrong bloke now FUCK OFF".
Next day Nelson is sitting in the chair reading Penthouse, when there is a knock on the door. It's the Chinese bloke again, behind him are two trucks filled with engine parts. The Chinese bloke screams at Nelson "You sign, you more...

Nelson Mandela is sitting at home watching the telly when he hears a knock at the door. When he opens it, he is confronted by a little Japanese man, clutching a clipboard and yelling, "You sign, you sign!" Behind him is an enormous truck full of car exhausts. Nelson is standing there in complete amazement when the Japanese man starts to yell louder. "You sign! You sign!" Nelson says to him, "Look mate, you`ve obviously got the wrong bloke. Get lost!" and shuts the door in the Japanese man`s face. The next day he hears a knock at the door again. When he opens it, the little Japanese man is back, with a huge truck full of brake pads. He thrusts his clipboard under Nelson`s nose, yelling "You sign! You sign!" Mr Mandela is getting a bit hacked off by now, so he shoves the little Japanese man back, shouting: "Look, get lost!! You`ve got the wrong bloke! I don`t want them!" then slams the door in the Japanese man`s face again. The following more...