Citizens Jokes / Recent Jokes
It is illegal to use profanity in front of a dead body which lies in a funeral home or in a coroners office. You have the right to commit simple battery if provoked by "fighting" words. Members of the state assembly cannot be ticketed for speeding while the state assembly is in session. Donkeys may not be kept in bathtubs. Signs are required to be written in English. No one may carry an ice cream cone in their back pocket if it is Sunday. Acworth All citizens must own a rake. Atlanta Against the law to tie a giraffe to a telephone pole or street lamp. One man may not be on another man`s back. Columbus Can`t cut off a chicken`s head on Sunday. It is illegal to carry a chicken by it`s feet down Broadway on Sunday. Gainesville Chicken must be eaten with the hands. Jonesboro It is illegal to say "Oh, Boy" Kennesaw Every head of household must possess a firearm of some kind. Marietta Though it is illegal to spit from a car or bus, citizens may spit from a truck. St. more...
A group of senior citizens were exchanging notes about their ailments. "My arm is so weak I can hardly hold this coffee cup." "Yes, I know. My cataracts are so bad I cant see to pour the coffee." "I cant turn my head because of the arthritis in my neck." "My blood pressure pills make my dizzy." "I guess thats the price we pay for getting old." "Well, its not all bad. We should be thankful that we can still drive."
REDMOND, Wash. - Oct. 23, 1997 -- In direct response to accusations made by the Department of
Justice, the Microsoft Corp. announced today that it will be acquiring the federal government
of the United States of America for an undisclosed sum.
"It's actually a logical extension of our planned growth", said Microsoft chairman Bill Gates,
"It really is going to be a positive arrangement for everyone".
Microsoft representatives held a briefing in the oval office of the White House with
U. S. President Bill Clinton, and assured members of the press that changes will be "minimal".
The United States will be managed as a wholly owned division of Microsoft. An initial public
offering is planned for July of next year, and the federal government is expected to be
profitable by "Q4 1999 at latest", according to Microsoft president Steve Ballmer.
In a related announcement, Bill Clinton stated that he had more...
A group of senior citizens were sitting around talking about their ailments.
"My arms are so weak I can hardly hold this cup of coffee," said one.
"Yes I know. My cataracts are so bad I can't even see my coffee" replied another.
"It has gotten to where I cannot hear anything anymore." said one in the loudest voice of the group.
"I can't turn my head because of the arthritis in my neck," said a third, to which several nodded weakly in agreement.
"My blood pressure pills make me dizzy," claimed another.
"I can't even remember what I'm doing half the time; if I don't make myself a note I forget what I am trying to do in the first place" chimed yet another.
"I guess that's the price we pay for getting old." winced an old man as he shook his head.
Then there was a short moment of silence..."Well, it's not that bad," said one woman cheerfully." Thank the Lord we can all still more...
A group of senior citizens were exchanging notes about their ailments. "My arm is so weak I can hardly hold this coffee cup." "Yes, I know. My cataracts are so bad I can't see to pour the coffee." "I can't turn my head because of the arthritis in my neck." "My blood pressure pills make my dizzy." "I guess that's the price we pay for getting old." "Well, it's not all bad. We should be thankful that we can still drive."
The young immigrant couple had just left the courthouse after being sworn in as American citizens. "It is wonderful," the husband exclaimed. "We are American citizens at last! Do you know what this means to us my dear wife?" "Yes, you male chauvinist pig," his wife replied. "Tonight, you cook dinner!"
Citizens may not enter Wisconsin with a chicken on their head.(Minnesota Dumb Laws)