Christmas Jokes / Recent Jokes

I yelled at Santa and he gave me a spank and put me in the naughty chair..

1) The Hindi kids Letter:

Dear Santha Dada: please organise me a seiko quartz watch for

christmas, i will be parking for the present, we did not by christmas tree beacause Kaki Kaka are coming for christmas, therefore we had to save the money for food stamps.

2) The 9yr old Muslim kids Letter:

Dear Sante Claws, please send me a 16valve GTI, so i can drive to the

Esplande, in Durban and park by the Milky Lane, so all the other

babies can check it out, PS do not forget the subs for the system.

3) The 12yr old Coloured Indian (Coloured mom, indian dad)

Lewe Santa my cousin, my gazzie, what`s up, do not forget me this

christmas, two pairs white socks, warangler jeans the a pair of mocks, PS, do not forget the 3 quartz, so i can be a good sumu-terian and share it with my two other bra`s.

4) The 6yr old Eas! t Indian (Chinese mom, Asian dad)

Dear Santa Claus, peas bring, for Ching Ling the more...

To get us all in the Christmas spirit. .. Can you name these Christmas Songs? Answers found below.
-------- Questions --------- Approach Everyone Who Is Steadfast
Ecstacy Toward The Orb
Hush, The Foretelling Spirits Harmonize
Hey, Miniscule Urban Area Southwest Of Jerusalem
Quiescent Nocturnal Period
The Autocratic Troika Originating Near the Accent of Apollo
The Primary Carol
Embellish The Corridors
I Apprehended My Maternal Parent Osculating with a Corpulent, Unshaven Male in Crimson Disguise
I'm Fantasizing Concerning a Blanched Yuletide
My Singular Desire For The Impending Yuletide Season Is Receipt Of A Pair Of Central Incisors.
During the Time Ovine Caretakers Supervised Their Charges Past Twilight
Celestial Messengers From Splendid Empires.
The Thing Manifest Itself at the Onset of a Transparent Day
The Tatterdemalion Ebony Atmosphere
The Coniferous Nativity
What Offspring Abides more...

From: Mickey Hennigan, Human Resources Director
To: Everyone
Date: December 1
Re: Christmas Party
I'm happy to inform you that the company Christmas Party will take place on December 23, starting at noon in the banquet room at Luigi's Open Pit Barbecue. No-host bar, but plenty of eggnog! We'll have a small band playing traditional carols... feel free to sing along. And don't be surprised if our CEO shows up dressed as Santa Claus!
From: Mickey Hennigan, Human Resources Director
To: Everyone
Date: December 2
Re: Christmas Party
In no way was yesterday's memo intended to exclude our Jewish employees. We recognize that Chanukah is an important holiday which often coincides with Christmas, though unfortunately not this year. However, from now on we're calling it our "Holiday Party." The same policy applies to employees who are celebrating Kwanzaa at this time. Happy now?
From: Mickey Hennigan, Human Resources Director
To: more...

There was once a great czar in Russia named Rudolph the Red. He stood looking out the windows of is palace one day while his wife, the Czarina Katerina, sat nearby knitting. He turned to her and said, "Look my dear, it has begun to rain!" Without even looking up from her knitting she replied, "It's too cold to rain. It must be sleeting." The Czar shook his head and said, "I am the Czar of all the Russias, and Rudolph the Red knows rain, dear!"

You stand under the mistletoe at Christmas and wait for Granny and cousin Sue-Ellen to walk by.

Five days before Christmas, Santa was having a horrible day. And by horrible, I mean his wife was sick with the flu, 23 elfs called in sick, and nothing was getting done, so they were really behind schedule.
*Knock-Knock,* Santa heard, so he went to go open the door. There was an Angel carrying a christmas tree. "Where would you like me to put this?" asked the angel.
And that is why the Angel is put on top of the Christmas tree.