Chocolate Jokes / Recent Jokes

So many men, so few who can afford me.
God made us sisters; Prozac made us friends.
If they don't have chocolate in heaven, I ain't going.
At my age, I've seen it all, done it all, heard it all... I just can't remember it all.
My Mother Is a travel agent for guilt trips.
Princess, having had sufficient experience with princes, seeks frog.
Coffee, chocolate, men... Some things are just better rich.
Don't treat me any differently than you would the Queen.
If you want breakfast in bed, sleep in the kitchen.
Dinner is ready when the smoke alarm goes off.
It's hard to be nostalgic when you can't remember anything.
My husband could have had any women he pleased - he just couldn't please any!
Guys have feelings too. But like... who cares?
Next mood swing: 6 minutes.
I used to be schizophrenic, but we're OK now.
Warning: I have an attitude and I know how to use it.
Of course I don't look busy... I did it right the first more...

"What flavors of ice cream do you have?" inquired the customer.
"Vanilla, strawberry, and chocolate," answered the new waitress in a hoarse whisper. Trying to be sympathetic, the customer asked, "Do you have laryngitis?"
"No...." replied the new waitress with some effort, "just... erm....
vanilla, strawberry, and chocolate."

"Who Wants to Marry a Software Engineer?" is Silicon Valley's newest game show.
What quality do you value most in your partner?
A sense of humor
Emotional maturity.
High bandwidth.
When you get home at the end of the day, you like to:
Turn on the Silicon Valley Business report, and eat dinner.
Hook up to your ISP, and check out the hit count on your web page.
Recharge your cell phone, laptop, and wireless modem, change batteries on your pager, and resynchronize your Palm Pilot and home computer.
Your ideal partner is:
Interesting and attractive.
Emotionally mature and understanding.
Extensible and polymorphic.
In spiritually difficult times, you often turn to:
Dilbert
Kernighan and Ritchie
comp.lang.c++
If go over to your partner's place and think its a mess, you would:
Complain to him/her, and tell them to tidy up.
Call a maid service.
Make clean
What kind of car would more...

With more than twelve billion catalogs being mailed annually, it's little wonder that marketers are distributing mailing lists anywhere possible. In one particularly cruel move, the proprietors of a chocolate catalog purchased the mailing list of a weight-loss organization. Chocolate sales rose almost immediately, but the weight-loss group wised up and now keeps it clients' names to itself.

You wake up with chocolate in your ears after spending the night in a fine hotel.
Your neighbor spits grass when he talks.
In the delivery room, your husband says,"That's worse than skinning a deer!"

There was a guy who worked at the grocery store named Jeff. One day a guy named Phil came in and looked for the chocolate. Jeff said,' 'I'm so sorry. We just ran out of chocolate.''

"Okay." said Phil.

Then Phil started to look around and Jeff asked, "Now What are you looking for?"

"I'm still looking for the chocolate."

"Okay fine. " said Jeff. "Spell STRAW in strawberry."

"S-T-R-A-W" "Now spell BLUE in blueberry." "B-L-U-E"

"Good. Now spell FREAK in chocolate."

"There is no FREAK in chocolate!"

Preparation for parenthood is not just a matter of reading books and decorating the nursery. Here are 12 simple tests for expectant parents to take to prepare themselves for the real-life experience of being a mother or father.
1. Women: to prepare for maternity, put on a dressing gown and stick a beanbag down the front. Leave it there for 9 months. After 9 months, takeout 10% of the beans. Men: to prepare for paternity, go to the local chemist, tip the contents of your wallet on the counter, and tell thepharmacist to help himself. Then go to the supermarket. Arrange to have your salary paid directly to their head office. Go home. Pick up thepaper. Read it for the last time.
2. Before you finally go ahead and have children, find a couple who are already parents and berate them about their methods of discipline, lack ofpatience, appallingly low tolerance levels, and how they have allowed their children to run riot. Suggest ways in which they might improve theirchild's sleeping more...