Cheating Jokes / Recent Jokes

Teacher: Well, There Is Onething I Can Say About Your Son.

Father: What's That? Teacher: With Grades Like This He Couldn't Be Cheating.

Three guys go up to heaven at the same time, and the head angel says, "it's been a busy day, so i can only let one of you in. whoever has the best story gets to go in."
the first guy said,"i had been suspecting my wife has been cheating on me for the past year, so one day when i went up to the 25th story on our apartment (where I live) i heard her in our room, and i was expecting the worst. i decided to kill the man she was cheating on me with, so i looked out the window, and here's a guy who's hanging from my telephone wire. i hammer his fingers, but he doesn't drop. i decide to throw our refrigerator out the window, so i hoisted it up on my back, and my shirt got caught, and i threw it out the window and i fell out with it."
the second guy said, "i was an innocent window washer and i was washing windows when i saw something shiny. i reached out to grab it and the next thing i know im dangeling from a telephone wire. then a freak comes up and started more...

A blonde suspects that her boyfriend is cheating on her, so she goes out and buys a gun.

She goes to his apartment that same day, with the gun in hand. Sure enough, when she opens the door, she finds her boyfriend in the arms of a redhead. She points the gun at her boyfriend at stares him down for a moment. Then, suddenly, she's overcome with grief, so she puts the gun up to the side her head.

Her boyfriend screams, "Honey, don't do it..."

The blonde yells back, "Shut up! You're next!"

You must follow the rules on this one exactly, otherwise it won't work.
It's really scary how this works out. NO CHEATING!!!
First, get a pen and paper.
Second, write the numbers one through six. Example:
1
2
3
4
5
6
Next to number one, write any number...
Next to number two, write the name of anyone to which you are really attracted...
Next to three, write down the first color you can think of...
Next to number four, write the name of your first pet...
Next to number five and six write down the name of a family member...
Remember... No cheating...
Keep scrolling down...
Don't cheat, or you'll be upset...
Here're the answers...
The number next to number one show how many times you should be smashed over the head with a baseball bat for thinking that stupid things like this actually mean anything...
The person named next to number two is someone who will never have time to sleep with you because you're more...

Abortion - Near Life Experience
Bald - Follically liberated
Blind - Photonically non-receptive
Bum - Displaced homeowner
Cannibalism - Intra-Species dining
Censorship - Selective speech
Cheating (Marraige) - Post-Marital Affairs
Cheating (School) - Academic Dishonesty
Clumsy - Uniquely coordinated
Corpse - Permanently static post-human mass
Cowboys - Bovine control officers
Crime Rate - Street activity index
Dead - Living impaired
Deaf - Visually oriented
Delicatessen - Corpse Farm
Dish Washer - Utensil Sanitizer
Fat - Person of substance
Gas Station Attendant - Petroleum Transfer Technician
Hunter - Meat Mercenary
Idiot - Factually Unencumbered
Insane Person - Selectively Perceptive
Midget - Vertically Challenged

Masterbating is like cheating. It's fun until you realize you are only screwing yourself!!!

Part 1
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A man who just got a raise decides to buy a new scope for
his rifle. He goes to a rifle shop, and asks the clerk to
show him a scope. The clerk takes out a scope, and says to
the man, "This scope is so good, you can see my house all
the way up on that hill". The man takes a look through the
scope, and starts laughing. "What's so funny?" asks the
clerk "I see a naked man and a naked woman running around in
the house", the man replies.
The clerk grabs the scope from the man, and looks at his
house. Then he hands two bullets to the man and says, "Here
are two bullets, I'll give you this scope for nothing if you
take these two bullets, shoot my wife's head off and shoot
the guy's dick off". The man takes another look through the
scope, and says, "You know what? I think I can do that with
one shot!"

Part 2
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Three women more...