Chase Jokes / Recent Jokes

A little old lady goes into the Chase Manhattan Bank, and says she wants to open a savings account. The accounts person asks her how much she would like to deposit to open the account and the little old lady says, "Three million dollars." The accounts person is startled, and says, "In what form?" and the little old lady says, "Cash. I've got it here in this bag..." and the accounts person looks and, sure enough, the lady has a big grocery bag just chock full of green stuff with big denominations. This is a highly unusual event, and the accounts person excuses herself to get the president of the bank to handle this one. He arrives, and escorts the little old lady to his office to handle it personally. Once in his office, he asks the little old lady where she got so much money. She says, "Gambling." "Gambling?", he says. "What sort of gambling?" "Oh, I make bets with people on all sorts of things, and I usually win. For more...

A little old lady walked into the head branch of the Chase Manhattan
Bank holding a large paper bag in her hand. She told the young man
at the window that she wished to take the 3 million she had in the
bag and open an account with the bank. She said that first, though,
she wished to meet the president of Chase Manhattan Bank due to the
amount of money involved.

The teller seemed to think that was a reasonable request and after
opening the paper bag and seeing the bundles of 1, 000 bills which
amounted to right around 3 million, telephoned the bank's secretary
to obtain an appointment for the lady.

The lady was escorted upstairs and ushered into the president's
office. Introductions were made and she stated that she would like
to get to know the people she did business with on a more personal
level. The bank president then asked her where she came into such a
large amount of money. "Was it an more...

What the country is talking about this week...
"Big Brother 2" One contestant got booted for holding a knife to another's throat. But he hopes to appear on "COPS."
Tom & Penelope: There's already a problem. She wants to keep her maiden name if they marry.
"The Sopranos" Executive producer David Chase has agreed to a fifth season for a reported $20 million. The more characters he kills off, the more he gets to keep.
"The West Wing" Several of the supporting characters want more money. There goes your tax cut.
Harrison Ford: He helped rescue a lost Boy Scout with his helicopter. After a car chase, a horse race, a knife fight, a snake pit, a chasm jump...
Nicole Kidman: Reports say she and Russell Crowe were vacationing on the same remote, primitive South Seas island. Australia.
Beijing Olympics: They're adding several new sports for 2008: the 200-meter Tank Dodge and the Dissident Javelin Catch.
Online movie more...

Clear large space on table for wrapping present.
Go to closet and collect bag in which present is contained, and shut door.
Open door and remove cat from closet.
Go to cupboard and retrieve rolls of wrapping paper.
Go back and remove cat from cupboard.
Go to drawer, and collect transparent sticky tape, ribbons, scissors, labels, etc...
Lay out presents and wrapping materials on table, to enable wrapping strategy to be formed.
Go back to drawer to get string, remove cat that has been in the drawer since last visit and collect string.
Remove present from bag.
Remove cat from bag.
Open box to check present, remove cat from box, replace present.
Lay out paper to enable cutting to size.
Try and smooth out paper, realize cat is underneath and remove cat.
Cut the paper to size, keeping the cutting line straight.
Throw away first sheet as cat chased the scissors, and tore the paper.
Cut second sheet of paper to size - by putting cat more...

We do not advise following any of the below driving rules to any extent. Driving should be taken seriously at all times. The below jokes are simply here for entertainment purposes.

When using a metered entrance ramp, vehicles in the carpool lane do not need to stop. Similarly, vehicles NOT in the diamond lane also do not need to stop.

If, at any time, you have witnessed a green light, it is okay to proceed through the intersection, regardless of the current color of the light.

The shoulder becomes a lane if you are driving a Porsche.

If you paid more than $60, 000 for your car, you automatically have the right of way, regardless of the situation. This is especially applicable in parking lots.

Drive as quickly as possible through parking structures. Pass any open spot by at least four car lengths before backing up to claim it. Disregard the angry mob that has formed behind you.

Get to know your horn. Use it as often as more...

What did the hamburger say to the hot dog?

Try to catch me, hot dog!

Two Kiwi guys are working at the top of a high rise building site in New Zealand. Anyway, Phul (Phil) turns to Muck (Mick) & says "I've gotta take a puss, but there's nowhere to go."
"Walk out to the end of that plank" replies Muck. "I'll stand on this end and balance you."
"Are You sure Muck?"
"Yeah, no worries mate"
"100%?"
"YES!"
So out goes Phul to take a piss, but before he's finished, the lunch siren sounds. Muck forgets what he's supposed to be doing and steps off the plank. Phul, of course, is a goner.
Several months later, an Australian, a Frenchman and a bloke from New Zealand are sitting in a pub discussing which of their respective nations chase women the hardest.
Greg the Aussie says, "Mate, I've been known to miss out on a piss-up session down the pub with me mates trying to crack on to sheilas!"
Pierre the Frenchman says "Non, non, non. We more...