Cents Jokes / Recent Jokes

Examine Bill Gates' wealth compared to yours: Consider the average American of reasonable but modest wealth. Perhaps he has a net worth of $100,000. Mr. Gates' worth is 400,000 times larger. Which means that if something costs $100,000 to Joe Average, to Bill it's as though it costs 25 cents. You can work out the right multiplier for your own net worth.So for example, you might think a new Lamborghini Diablo would cost $250,000, but in Bill Gates dollars that's 63 cents.That fully loaded, multimedia active matrix 233 MHZ laptop with the 1024x768 screen you've been drooling after? A penny.A nice home in a rich town Palo Alto, California? Two dollars.That nice mansion he's building? A reasonable $125 to him.You might spend $100 on tickets, food and parking to take your family to see an NHL hockey game. Bill, on the other hand, could buy the team for 100 Bill- bills.You might buy a plane ticket on a Boeing 747 for $1200 at full-fare coach. In Bill-bills, Mr.. Gates could buy three 747s. more...

A young man asked an old rich man how he made his money.
The old guy fingered his worsted wool vest and said,
"Well, son, it was 1932. The depth of the Great Depression. I was down to my last nickel.
I invested that nickel in an apple. I spent the entire day polishing the apple and, at the end of the day, I sold the apple for ten cents.
The next morning, I invested those ten cents in two apples. I spent the entire day polishing them and sold them at 5:00 pm for 20 cents. I continued this system for a month, by the end of which I'd accumulated a fortune of $1.37.
Then my wife's father died and left us two million dollars."

A young man asked an old rich man how he made his money.The old guy fingered his worsted wool vest and said, "Well, son, it was 1932. The depth of the Great Depression. I was down to my last nickel."I invested that nickel in an apple. I spent the entire day polishing the apple and, at the end of the day, I sold the apple for ten cents."The next morning, I invested those ten cents in two apples. I spent the entire day polishing them and sold them at 5:00 pm for 20 cents. I continued this system for a month, by the end of which I'd accumulated a fortune of $1.37.""And that's how you built an empire?" the boy asked."Heavens, no!" the man replied. "Then my wife's father died and left us two million dollars."

A just-married Chinese couple decided to make love on the wedding night in the hotel where they held their wedding. The wife did not want to get pregnant and requested the husband to buy condom from the shop nearby. When the husband left, the wife waited anxiously in the room with all the lights switched off. The husband had a hard time looking for a shop that sell condom and when he finally found one, he realized that he had only one 20 cents coin. He asked the shop owner to sell him one piece of condom and the shop owner asked him which quality does he want. "The white condom, lowest quality, is 15 cents each. The black condom, average quality, is 20 cents each. And the purple condom, highest quality, is 25 cents each." So the husband took the black condom as he had only 20 cents with him. While the husband was out, a black Indian thief came into the room. The wife did not notice and thought that it was her husband. She grabs the thief and happily screwing away. The wife more...

A Young Man Asked An Old Rich Man How He Made His Money.
The Old Guy Fingered His Worste Wool Vest And Said, "Well, Son, It Was 1932. The Depth Of The Great Depression. I Was Down To My Last Nickel. I Invested That Nickel In An Apple. I Spent The Entire Day Polishing The Apple And, At The End Of The Day, I Sold The Apple For Ten Cents. The Next Morning, I Invested Those Ten Cents In Two Apples. I Spent The Entire Day Polishing Them And Sold Them At 5: 00 Pm For 20 Cents. I Continued This System For A Month, By The End Of Which I'd Accumulated A Fortune Of $1. 37. Then My Wife's Father Died And Left Us Two Million Dollars."

What a difference a century makes! Here are some of the U. S. statistics from 1905:

The average life expectancy in the U. S. was 47 years.

Only 14 percent of the homes in the U. S. had a bathtub.

Only 8 percent of the homes had a telephone.

A three-minute call from Denver to New York City cost eleven dollars.

There were only 8, 000 cars in the U. S., and only 144 miles of paved roads.

The maximum speed limit in most cities was 10 mph.

Alabama, Mississippi, Iowa, and Tennessee were each more heavily populated than California.

With a mere 1. 4 million residents, California was only the 21st most populous state in the Union.

The tallest structure in the world was the Eiffel Tower.

The average wage in the U. S. was 22 cents an hour.

The average U. S. worker made between $200 and $400 per year.

More than 95 percent of all births in the U. S. took place at more...

A young man asked an old rich man how he made his money. The old guy fingered his worsted wool vest and said, "Well, son, it was 1932. The depth of the Great Depression. I was down to my last nickel." I invested that nickel in an apple. I spent the entire day polishing the apple and, at the end of the day, I sold the apple for ten cents." The next morning, I invested those ten cents in two apples. I spent the entire day polishing them and sold them at 5: 00 pm for 20 cents. I continued this system for a month, by the end of which I'd accumulated a fortune of $1. 37." "And that's how you built an empire?" the boy asked." Heavens, no!" the man replied. "Then my wife's father died and left us two million dollars."