Cement Jokes / Recent Jokes
A magician was on stage doing his act, when he called for a volunteer from
the audience. A man volunteered and went up on stage. The magician told him
to pick up the 16 pound sledgehammer that was on stage next to a cement
block and break the block apart with the sledgehammer so the audience would
know the sledgehammer was real.
So, the man swung the sledgehammer with all his might and shattered the
cement block. The magician now told the man to hit him square in the face
with the sledgehammer.
Horrified, the man said, "No way. It'll probably kill you".
The magician insisted that the man hit him in the face, saying, "I'll be
fine. I promise you. Go ahead."
"Well,", the man replied, "Ok, here goes."
Again, the man swung the sledgehammer and aimed it at the magician's face.
The result was very bloody. The magician's nose was crushed, teeth fell
out more...
A cement mixer collided with a prison van. Be on the lookout for hardened criminals.
Q: Why is it dangerous for a lawyer to walk onto a construction site when plumbers are working? A: Because they might connect the drain line to the wrong suer. If a lawyer and an IRS agent were both drowning, and you could only save one of them, would you go to lunch or read the paper? Q: What do you have if three lawyers are buried up to their necks in cement? A: Not enough cement. Q: What do you get when you cross a lawyer with a demon from hell? A: Another lawyer. Q: How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb? A: Two. One to change it, and one to kick the stool out from under him. Q: How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb? A: How many can you afford? Q: What is the difference between a vulture and a lawyer? A: The vulture eventually lets go. Person 1: I'm beginning to think that my lawyer is too interested in making money. Person 2: Why do you say that? Person 1: Listen to this from his bill:' For waking up at night and thinking about your case: $25. 00'. more...
Post Office just recalled their newest stamps:
They had pictures of IRS agents on them, and people couldn't figure out which side to spit on. If a lawyer and an IRS agent were both drowning, and you could only save one of them, would you go to lunch or read the newspaper? What do you call 25 I.R.S. agents buried up to their chins in cement?
Not enough cement. What do you call 25 skydiving I.R.S. agents?
Skeet. What do you throw to a drowning I.R.S. agent?
His co-workers. What's brown and looks really good on an I.R.S. agent?
A Doberman. What's the difference between an I.R.S. agent and a mosquito?
One is a bloodsucking parasite, the other is an insect.
Q: What do have when a lawyer is buried up to his neck in wet cement? A: Not enough cement. Q: Did you hear they just released a new Barbie doll called “Divorced Barbie”?
A: Yeah, it comes with half of Ken’s things and alimony.
Q: What’s the problem with lawyer jokes?
A: Lawyer’s don’t think they’re funny, and no one else thinks they’re jokes.
Q: How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Fifty four. Eight to argue, one to get a continuance, one to object, one to demur, two to research precedents, one to dictate a letter, one to stipulate, five to turn in their time cards, one to depose, one to write interrogatories, two to settle, one to order a secretary to change the bulb, and twenty-eight to bill for professional services.
Q: Where can you find a good lawyer?
A: In the cemetery.
Q: Where can you find a good lawyer?
A: At the city morgue.
Q: What’s the difference between more...