Catch Jokes / Recent Jokes

This fat guy sees an ad for a new gym guaranteeing to reduce anyone's weight by 5, 10 or 20 kilograms on the first day. So he goes and tells them he wants to lose 5 kg. They strip him and lead him into a huge gym with all kinds of ropes and parallel bars and ladders and tell him to wait a minute. He's standing there when on the far side of the gym a door opens and out steps a gorgeous blonde, stark naked, with a sign saying

"If you catch me, I'm yours."

He starts running, and just as he gets close, she starts picking up speed. Before he knows it, he's running all over the gym, up the ladders, down the ladders, across the parallel bars, here and there. And just as he's about to catch the blonde, pop, she disappears through a door. In comes the management who lead him to the showers, and then weigh him. Sure enough, he lost exactly 5 kg.

He's back on the street and starts to think.

"Jesus, I was so close to catching her. If I more...

Two alligators are sitting on the edge of a swamp. The small one turns to the big one and says; I don't understand how you can be so much bigger than me. We're the same age, we were the same size as kids... I just don't get it."
"Well," says the big alligator, "what have you been eating?"
"Lawyers, same as you," replies the small alligator.
"Hmm. Well, where do you catch them?"
"Down at that law firm on the edge of the swamp."
"Same here. How do you catch them?"
"Well, I crawl under a car and wait for someone to unlock the door. Then I jump out, bite'em, shake the s*** out of 'em, and eat'em!"
"Ah!" says the big alligator, "I think I see your problem. See, by the time you get done shakin' the s*** out of a lawyer, there's nothing left but lips and a briefcase..."

A lawyer is driving in the middle of nowhere and his car breaks
down. After waiting a while, a farmer comes along and asks what
the problem is. Discovering what the problem is, the farmer
offers his home to the lawyer to stay for the night.
Later that night, the lawyer is asleep, and the farmer's wife
comes in his room and wants to have sex with him. The lawyer
says, "No, you're husband will wake up and catch us." The wife
replies, "My husband is a heavy sleeper he won't wake up, I
promise." To prove it, she takes the lawyer into her room where
her husband is butt-naked and tells him to pull one of the hairs
on his ass. The lawyer does it and the farmer doesn't wake up.
Then they go back to the room and have sex. About 2 hours later,
the wife comes back and wants more. The lawyer says once again
"You're husband will wake up and catch us." The wife says, "I
already told you, he's a more...

A young blonde was on vacation in the depths of Louisiana. She wanted a pair of genuine alligator shoes in the worst way, but was very reluctant to pay the high prices the local vendors were asking.After becoming very frustrated with the "no haggle" attitude of one of the shopkeepers, the blonde shouted, "Maybe I'll just go out and catch my own alligator so I can get a pair of shoes at a reasonable price!"The shopkeeper said, "By all means, be my guest. Maybe you'll luck out and catch yourself a big one!"Determined, the blonde turned and headed for the swamps, set on catching herself an alligator.Later in the day, the shopkeeper is driving home, when he spots the young woman standing waist deep in the water, shotgun in hand. Just then, he sees a huge 9 foot alligator swimming quickly toward her.She takes aim, kills the creature and with a great deal of effort hauls it on to the swamp bank. Laying nearby were several more of the dead creatures.The more...

A young blonde was onvacation in the depths of Louisiana. She wanted a pair of genuine alligator shoes in theworst way, but was very reluctant to pay the high prices the local vendors were asking. After becoming very frustrated with the "no haggle" attitude of one of the shopkeepers, the blondeshouted, "Maybe I'll just go out and catch my own alligator so I can get a pair of shoes at a reasonable price!" The shopkeeper said, "By all means, be my guest. Maybe you'll luck out and catch yourself a big one!" Determined, the blonde turned and headed for the swamps, set on catching herself an alligator. Later in the day, the shopkeeper was driving home, when he spotted the young woman standing waist deep in the water, shotgun in hand. Just then, he saw a huge 9-foot alligator swimming quickly toward her. She took aim, killed the creature, and with a great deal of effort hauled it on to the swamp bank. Lying nearby were several more of the dead creatures. The more...

How do you catch a unique rabbit?
You nique up on it!
How do you catch a tame rabbit?
The tame way!

How do you catch an elephant? First you dig a big hole, and fill it with wood and ash. Then you take aloadof peas and line them up around the hole. Then, when the elephant goesto take a pea, kick him in the ash-hole!