Casket Jokes / Recent Jokes

There was a man who worked all of his life and had saved his money and was a real miser when it came to his money. He loved money more than just about anything. Just before he died, he said to his wife. "Now listen. When I die, I want you to take all my money and put it in the casket with me. Because I want to take my money to the afterlife with me."
And so he got his wife to promise him with all of her heart that when he died, she would put all of the money in the casket with him.
Well one day he died. He was stretched out in the casket, the wife was sitting there in black, and her friend was sitting next to her. When they finished the ceremony, just before the undertakers got ready to close the casket, the wife said, "Wait just a minute!"
She had a box with her, she came over with the box and put it in the casket. Then the undertakers locked the casket down, and they rolled it away.
So her friend said, "Girl, I know you weren't fool enough to more...

A man was walking home alone late one night when he hears a BUMP... BUMP.... BUMP..... behind him. Walking faster he looks back, and makes out the image of an upright casket banging its way down the middle of the street towards him.... BUMP..... BUMP...... BUMP.....

Terrified, the man begins to run towards his home, the casket bouncing quickly behind. . faster.... faster.... BUMP.... BUMP..... BUMP.......

He runs up to his door, fumbles with his keys, opens the door, rushes in, slams and locks the door behind him. However, the casket crashes through his door, with its lid clapping..... clappity-BUMP........ clappity-BUMP. ...... clappity-BUMP..... on the heels of the terrified man.

Rushing upstairs to the bathroom, the man locks himself in. His heart is pounding, his head is reeling, his breath is coming in sobbing gasps. With a loud CRASH the casket breaks down the door, bumping and clapping towards him.

The man screams and reaches for more...

A funeral service is being held in a church for a woman who has just passed away. At the end of the service, the pall-bearers are carrying the casket out when they accidentally bump into a wall, jarring the casket. They hear a faint moan.They open the casket and find that the woman is actually still alive. She lives for ten more years and then dies.A ceremony is again held at the same church and at the end of the ceremony, the pall bearers are again carrying outthe casket. As they are walking, the husband cries out, "WATCH OUT FOR THAT WALL!"

There was once this couple who had been married for a long time, but could never get along very well. Many times, late at night there would be screams and shouts from their house. One day the old man said, "I'm sick and tired of you. When I die, I will come out of my grave to haunt you."
After this, the old guy started practicing black magic. All the disappearances of people, cats, dogs, etc. were blamed on him.
At the age of 80 the old guy dies, and his wife puts him in a casket. Later that night, she goes to the bar and parties as if there was no tomorrow. Her neighbor comes up to her and says, "Aren't you scared that the old guy will dig up and haunt you?"
The old lady calmly replied, "Eh, let him keep digging. I put the casket the other way around!

A funeral service is being held in a synagogue for a woman who has just passed away. At the end of the service, the pallbearers are carrying the casket out when they accidentally bump into a wall jarring the casket.They hear a faint moan. They open the casket and find that the woman is actually alive.She lives for 10 more years and then dies. A ceremony is again held at the same synagogue and at the end of the service the pallbearers are again carrying out the casket. As they are walking, the husband cries out, "Watch out for the wall!"

There was once this couple who had been married for a long time, but could never get along very well. Many times, late at night there would be screams and shouts from their house. One day the old man said, "I'm sick and tired of you. When I die, I will come out of my grave to haunt you." After this, the old guy started practising black magic. All the dissapeareces of people, cats, dogs, etc. were blamed on him. At the age of 80 the old guy dies, and his wife puts him in a casket. Later that night, she goes to the bar and parties as if there was no tomorrow. Her neighbour comes up to her and says, "Aren't you scared that the old guy will dig up and haunt you?" The old lady camly replied, "Eh, let him keep digging. I put the casket the other way around."
Cigarette Dispenser "There was once this guy and a girl in a car, parked neatly on Makeout Ridge, and they were, well, doing the obvious. So, here they were, naked as jay birds, when the guy more...

A Massachusetts funeral home recently took delivery of the first Red Sox casket, which features the team logo on the exterior as well as the inside. The casket is manufactured by Eternal Image of Michigan, which has a licensing agreement with Major League Baseball. The company said that business has been brisk and the caskets are selling well, with the exception of the Chicago Cubs. When asked why, Fred Jones a Chicago resident and long time Cubs supporter said, “Our hopes and dreams for a World Series Champion have already been buried.”